Lilly Dee

2005-08-02T12:17:00.000-04:00

Lilly Dee @ the Yankee Stadium

2005-02-04T01:57:00.000-05:00

winter is here...

Lost and Found

2005-02-02T01:36:00.000-05:00

Lately, somehow all that energy for blogging has somehow disappeared for me...and that will to blog did not disappear for no reason...all I can say is that I was going through a period of seemingly darkness which drained me completely of getting in the mood or having the cofidance and courage to do anything...and for most of those days, I only hoped that I could sleep those problems away by hiding in the comfort of my bed and using jetlag as an excuse, but only later to wake up exhausted from a series of haunting dreams, which made me realize how unhappy I was...and dreading my eventual fate of working in an office completing mundane tasks...
Just when I thought my outlook on life had changed for the better and began believing that coming to New York was actually a much needed change in order to move on forward in the plan of things...I am beginning to feel,lately, that I am actually back where I started from...I have gained more academically, but I have not learned anything for personal growth...and suddenly I am in no mood for anything anymore...just like that feeling of nothingness from my previous blogs...the ideas that I struggled so hard to fight for have proven me wrong altogether...what I am fighting for? In the end, how many would appreciated it? no one. Where does all that stubborness lead to? nowhere, I guess...why can't I just take the obvious path, like everyone else? I really don't know. All I know is that I am exhausted hurt and lonely...but thinking back, if I had the chance to start all over again, I would still be me...so it seems I have lost my ideals and suddenly found myself back from the starting point...
Last week I received an e-mail from mr. Fry wondering whether I was still alive, a new year card from a long time friend wondering what I was up to and today "indiochink" mentioned that she got worried during our brief chat on msn and alice wondered why I stopped updating my blog...I assured them that I would continue blogging...but I just needed some time...time to come back to my daily routines...although I am well and alive, I feel very dead for the most part...when waiting for the train, I often find myself in an unconscious state of of staring into space, and just at that moment everything around me would disappear momentarily until an acquaintance approaches me, which brings my mind back to acknowledging my physical surrounding...and this has happened several times already...and I am going back to a state of self-doubt again...so I have lost focus, optimism and passion for anything I do...but I am sure it is only temporary and I have coviction that I will get out of it one day, and look back on it as just another phase in life, another regret added to my list of regrets...and I am sure ten years from now, I will look back and laugh at myself for being too serious and too emotional...but for now, this is how I am feeling and I just can;t help it...
Although some part of me is lost...the other day while cleaning out my overstuffed Louis Vuitton agenda, I found some fragments of my past which I thought was forever lost...it was a poem that I had written with a friend during the Sacred Heart years over coffee at secon Cup on Greene st. in Westmount...and reading that poem again made me wonder why I was so proud of it and what made me think that it was such a good piece of creative....reding it now, the poem just seemed immature with a hint of teenage rebelliousness..and that's all...yet I remember at the time when it was written I though it was great and therefore disappointed when I lost it, when in fact it has been with me all these years hiding in the pockets of my agenda...and that's how I now that ten years from now when I look back, I will be laughing at myself, but will probably be troubled by something else going into another phase in life whatever that might be...so through the different stages of out existence we lose somethings and find other things in the process...somethings lost are what we treasure the most and somethings found from the past my seem absurd, but in the very least, that absurdity is some proof of our existence, I believe...so here is that poem, Eternal Bliss, proof of my existence and proof that I was once rebellious and immature:

Eternal Bliss
Blissy! Blissa! Blisso!
Eternal Bliss
Drinking boiled hot Mochaccino
On a boiling hot day!
Talking endless hours on the phone
On a boring day,
Oppressing people and family
On boring days,
Lending our hands to the environment
Everyday,
Squishing bugs and flies till they burst
On Earth day,
Having philosophical debates with the old and wise
On a foggy day,
Jaywalking and causing traffic accidents
On a birdless day,
Only greeting people by their names
On Victoria day,
Always using the Lord's name in vain
On Sundays,
Worshipping and admiring Shakespeare's sonnets
On Shakespeare's birthday,
Making anonymous prank love phone calls
On Valentine's day,
Attending every mass
On every Tuesdays,
Bashing windows to show the need for lower taxes
On election day,
Scrubbing the floors till they shine
On mom bad-mood days,
Wasting cash on foolish things
On a foolish day,
Donating thousands to the charity
On Repentance Day,
Stealing snacks from the grade ones
On a hungry day,
Shopping for gifts at the Dollar store
On a Christmas Day,
Giving up our seats to the elderly
On their last few days,
Cherishing our Heritage
Yesterday,
Fighting for animal rights
On dissection day,
Eating healthy food
On sick days,
Torturing our pets
on Ped day,
Wrecking our parents' car and pretending our innocence
On PTA meeting day,
Studying all day long
On report card day,
Blocking the toilette
On cleaning day,
And these are the few things we do
On stupid days,
Eternal Bliss!
Blissy! Blissa! Blisso!

Straightening things out...the Japanese Way...

2004-12-24T01:06:00.000-05:00

I forced myself out of bed early Tuesday morning, even though I was exhausted from the previous day of driving...I managed to get out of bed early because I had an 11:30 appointment to have my hair straightened, the Japanese way...I was very nervous, not because of the straightening process in which I was going to undergo if the consultation goes well, but it was the fact that I had to find my way to this a hair salon which I have never been, located on Sawtelle blvd in Santa Monica, also a road name which sounded very unfamiliar to me...I felt sorry for not going back to Riqco, my hairdresser, this year, but I had no choice as their Salon didn't have anybody that was qualified to do the hair straighteing process...and not many places in LA provided this kind of service either...so I had no choice this time...

After I woke up, I ventured into the kitchen and made myself a big cup of coffee, then proceeded to the bar area to go online to mapquest.com, to find the directions to Taka Hair Salon...and looking at a printout of the directions, it seemed to me that it was not going to be too difficult to get there...and so I was relieved... the diretions turned out to be precise and easy to follow, as I found the Hair Salon and parked my car, in their rear parking lot...

When I walked into the salon, the receptionist confirmed my name and sat me down at a waiting area to fill out a questionaire with the usual questions like address, name ,birthday, phone number , and wherther or not I had undergone this straightening process before and whether I am pregnant blah blah blah...then after Miravella, looked through the form, she sat me down in the chair, and a Japanese woman came out to examine my hair condition, she told me that it would not be possible to do this if my hair was in very bad condition, but upon close examination, she determined that my hair was very coarse, but the hair condition was not so bad and therefore doable...once again I was relieved knowing that I would be able to have everything done by the same day...

Before Miravella, began the process, she took a before picture of my hair with a polaroid camera...Miravella would be the person doing my hair straightening for most of the day, with some help from the others, as this was a very long and grueling process, where they can't miss a single strand of hair...seeing that I was bored while having my hair done, the receptionist brought me some fashion magazines, then brought me some coffee...and then at lunchtime, Miravella orderd me a grilled chicken sandwich, which by the way, was absolutely delicious...

I think that day I was the only customer who spent the longest time there, as I saw customers, most of which were Japanese, come and go to get their hair done...by dinner time, they asked me whether I wanted some food...but this time I declined because I was too exhausted to eat, and only hoped to get this whole thing done and over with...after eight hours...everything was done and my hair was perfectly straight...and my coarse hair never felt so shiny, so silky and soo smooth...Miravella said that I was blessed with a lot of hair...and I thought to myself, oh yes, I was born with a lot of hair too!...and maybe that's why it took so long to have my body of hair straightened...As I got up to stretch my legs, Miravella took an after picture of my new hair...and recommended to me a bunch of products to maintain the hair...I was a bit disappointed as I thought it was maintenance free...but at least it does not require hair brushing, and when I wake up in the morning my hair would be perfectly straight...when I step out of the shower, my har would still remain perfectly straight and orderly...and to me that was good enough compared to my old tangled hair...

After I paid...the receptionist showed me the before and after pictures, and that made me realize that I had been living with very bad hair for te past 24 years o my life, yikes...my old hair was just a complete mess...but at least this whole eight hour process achieved what I was looking for...very orderly hair...so I thought if I am going to pull all-nighters in studio or at home for my desgin projects...at least I can show up to final presentation with good hair, from now on...I think I must be really slow or something, I mean most asians get their hair straightened and enhjoy the benefits of it...and I only get it now...I must be really slow in the trend of personal grooming...

So this appointment that I had made, in the spur of the moment while waiting for my flight at Newark Airport, was definitely worth it...and I was glad that everything that was messy about my hair, got straightened out, once and for all...if only life could be straightened out this easily, then everything would be perfect, straightforward and crystal clear...but life as it is will always be more complicated than that...and will never be a straightforward one either...but for now...it's good to be in LA, with one less problem in my life...my complicated years of bad hair, finally straightened out...and problem, finally solved...

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom...

2004-12-22T21:14:00.000-05:00

The first Monday of my week in LA, was a busy one...I guess I finally got my wish and it turned out the way I had envisioned in my previous blog...I got my wish to drive down 110 south at 80mph in the middle of the night and made good use of that v8 Cayenne S engine...in fact I did more drivng than I had wished for in one day, which left me exhausted...
Early in the morning Mom and I drove to Pasadena, to drop off Ana-jo at the groomer's for a haircut and bath...then I quickly drove mom back to Downtown LA before I headed back to Pasadena to pick up Jimmy, who is visiting his brother before he goes back to Taiwan...and today, I had promised to pick him up and show him around...but much to my annoyance I got lost as I tried to find his place on Roosevelt ave in Pasadena, but I found my way, enventually...We then headed to Ding Tai Fung for lunch and then I proceeded to pick up Ana-jo from the groomer's and bring the beautifully groomed Ana-jo back to mom in downtown...since we were in downtown, we dropped by the new Morphosis building, as Jimmy was dying to take some pictures of the much talked about project by the famous architect...finally I drove him back to arcadia to his brother who was waiting for him in a nearby cafe, before I zoomed off to Irvine to meet my friends for dinner...
On my way to Irvine to meet up with Jeff at South Coast Plaza, I was stuck in trffic, and exhausted, I almost dozed off, until I almost drove into another car, which gave me a shock and woke me up for good...to stay awake I decided to blast the music in the car...after an hour I arrive at South Coast to meet Jeff...and we met up outside Gucci...
While we were walking around, I suddenly felt that New York had changed me, somehow, shopping in South Coast just doesn't excite me anymore...and standing amidst a multitude of brandname stores didn't give me the urge to shop at all, in fact I found myself not knowing which shops to browse...it was a strange feeling and I began wondering whether there was something wrong with me...had I truely gotten sick of shopping altogether?...it is actually possible for Lilly Dee to get tired of shopping and buying?...and I didn't even feel like digging into my closet for my LV Murakami bling bling bag, when I went out...something is going on and I am slowly changing...somehow the bling bling doesn't appeal to me anymore...and I began wondering whether I was going into another phase, away from my bling bling phase...
Later on Philip left work to join us at Saks Fifth Avenue and by the time we were browsing the Sony store, Joyce and Juno met up with us...
That night, the five of us headed to Quattro cafe, or what used to be the Armani cafe for some italian cuisine...and for appetizer, we shared a huge place of fried calamari, just for old times sake...dinner conversation revolved mainly around their work experiences as they all have jobs, whereas I was the odd one out again...still living a student life...hehe...
After dinner, I followed Philip'ss car over to Joyce and and Juno's new apartment in Irvine...I followed too closed that I almost hit his car...good thing my car comes with really sharp breaks...When we arrived at their apartment, we were greeted by Joyce and Juno's new puppy...and the apartment was nice and cozy...
Philip and I left when we both realized that it was getting really late..and rushed back to our cars to go home...
And that night at 12:00 pm in the middle of the night, I drove down the desolate 405 and 110 South, at 80mph, with music blasting in my ears...and I must say, I had a great time...I guess the simple pleasure of driving is better than shopping haha...but then again maybe it was the porsche that made it all that enjoyable...yes so I haven't changed all that much, still very into that bling bling car of mine...it's good to be drinving in LA...Zoom, zoom, zoom, just like that mazda commercial...

Leaving with...Excess Baggage...

2004-12-19T02:35:00.000-05:00

Just when I thought that I was definitely ready to take a break from New York city, I suddenly felt saddened to leave, after an evening out with friends, friday night, before I leave for LA. And so maybe I was wrong, part of me didn't get tired of the city, and part of me still thought that it was good to be in NY.
Friday morning after an all-nighter of writing my final paper for Delanda's class, I headed to school after a three hour nap, to drop-off the paper...and that evening, Alice, James, Nick, John and I headed to Koreatown for dinner...and for me it was meaningful because I knew that my friends cared enough to thake the time to join me for dinner the night before I leave for Los Angeles...And the tea bath set that Alice bought me as an advance christmas present was beautiful and thoughtful...even John, who disappeared for most of the semester made the determination to show up for dinner before we all go our seperate way for the holidays...
Conversation over dinner was lighthearted and funny, a nice break from any depressing subject matter...we all knew that this was not the time to talk about our prsonal issues, as we would, over coffee at Starbucks...and so nothing serious with laughter and jokes...dinner at Wonjo, was followed by dessert and coffee over at Cafe Muse...and more carefree and lighthearted conversation ensued...we all joked that if ever I have a design office called Lilly Dee, James would help run my New York branch, John would run my LA branch, because he has the bling bling attitude that is suitable for the west coast, while James is more preppy chic, definitely more east cost...and strangely enough, a few days ago while chatting with Eric and Jimmy, they offered to run my Taiwan branch, haha...but I hardly think that will be the case...because I believe that all of them will be succesful architects one day with their own firms, afterall, they all seem to have that passion for architecture which I have lost and still cannot recover...but in some way, they have all inspired me to find that passion again and to realize that I am in architecture because I was once really passionate about it too, just like them...
That night as I got home, packing just seemed to take forever, and I realized that part of me didn't want to go back to LA...so while packing I found myself taking time to go back to the computer and login online to chat with friends...
That night Eric sent me a link to his online photo album where he uploaded the photos he took at MoMA...as I was browsing through the pgotographs, I had to admit to myself that they were beautiful and the framing was thoughfully composed...and that fuelled my curiosity to look through other photos which he had taken in the past...and there was one that left a deep impression...it was a close-up of a fall leaf siting on top of a hedge, on the bottom left corner, set against a blurry yet visible background of the Grand staircase leading to the main school library...and I was rather impressed...but the truth was, that I left the website with mixed feelings...
Oh the one hand there was admiration for Eric's series of succesful design projects and photography skills, and on the other, there was that slight feeling of envy... and for someone who is rarely envious of others...it was quite difficult to come to terms with the fact that I would be envious of another person's work and devotion seen through the work itself...I have always taken pride of my ability to find that certain balance that always keeps me in check so that I won't venture too far off in reality and gloat over my on work, thinking that I am good enough and leaving no room for improvement...I have always kept that cool distance from my design work, so that when the final product turns out well, I could be satisfied and if not, I will not be hurt either...however, I am beginning to wonder, lately, if keeping that balance is the right thing to do...and maybe that fear of failure has led me to keep that cool distance from my own work...and in the process, I have unconsciously driven out that 100% devotion that has led me to architecture six years ago...
And so that night, I was deeply troubled by this, contemplating whether I am heading down the right path by creating a safety net for myself...and maybe it's time to be both passionate and critical of one's on work, instead of developing a cold attitude towards my own design work... afterall, how much more time do I get to be a student...one more semester...and why not be daring once again and pour myself entirely over design? instead of hiding in that safety zone...I still don't know the answer, but I thought to myself that night, for the rest of the holiday, I will be thinking about this...and just when I thought that I could take a break from my uncontrallabe mind and issues, I find myself immersing myself into it all over again...and there will be no peace of mind, which I had hoped for...and I wonder if I will truely be taking a break from New York City when I will most likely be carrying those thoughts with me over to LA...will I be able to fully enjoy the the good life awaiting me in LA and Taiwan...I wonder...maybe it's time to be more critical of oneself in a diffrent way...I don't know...I really don't know...

Much ado about Nothing...

2004-12-16T04:04:00.000-05:00

feeling weird...suddenly life seems uneventfull

Somehow lately it's been difficult to see the beauty in the everyday to passionately blog about it...it's as if my soul is flatlining and I don't know why, but I am feeling very exhausted lately, but even when I try to rest, those nightmares just keep coming back and I wake up even more exhausted...so what's the use of sleeping anyways...and my sleep cycle is completely reversed...so now that the semester has ended, ironically, I don't feel like doing anything anymore, even the thought of going back to my beautiful home and bling bling car in LA doesn't excite me anymore...I am not depressed, but I just feel neither here nor there...

It makes me wonder what happens when nothing can bring about any kind of emotion to a person, and it scares me to even think about that...so maybe it's good that I will be taking a break from New York city for a month and I think it's about time. But at least the good thing is that I am getting my final assignments done before I leave the city behind me...and some driving might do me some good when I get back to LA. I can see myself speeding down 110 South at 80mph in the middle of the night. So today's blog is really about nothing, but even if it's about nothing, I am still compelled to blog about that nothingness...and hopefully tomorrow I will feel passionate enough to blog about something more intereting, but for now, dear readers, I am sorry that you have to deal with this nothingness...

McDonald's Reunion...

2004-12-15T02:11:00.000-05:00

A snapshot of Just James and John at Ollies at the the begining of the Fall semester at Columbia after Delanda's lecture....and tonight at the end of the semester we find ourselves back at Ollies after a long discussion about the paper for Delanda's class...our final assignment of the semester...

The day started fairly late for after a night of feeling psychologically ill and along with insomnia, I had trouble getting myself out of bed today...not that I didn't want to get out of bed but I just couldn't because the dreams and nightmares were holding me back...I was bombarded by one nightmare after another...but those nightmares made me aware of that certain unknown fear or despair in me, which I gather to be a coomon experience of the modern human condition...they were dreams about waking up and not finding oneself at home but in some strange hospital like place being under constant watch, and people coming in to my space with what looked like restaurant bills while I desperately search for the 16E that should be on the door of my apartment...and then sudeenly I would find myself in a large social setting only to discover that my face was full of red scars...and just like ghosts, only I was able to see those scars and the people surrounding me were somehow oblivious to it...these dreams left me exhausted when I woke up to Jame's phone call about meeting at Starbucks to talk about the final paper for Delanda's class...

I dragged my tired self out of bed, got ready and headed to Starbuckes near Columbia University, much to my surprise John also showed up to discuss about the paper, because I haven't seen John in a long time, it's as if he disappeared for most of the semester...and just like that, over starbucks coffee and a few books and notes we talked about our topics of interest and helped each other out with those ideas...what I came to realize was that the subject matter in which we were each interested in writing about were all issues that were somewhat related to ourselves personally...and that made the discussion all the more interesting...

Just James was all about dicussing the current conditions of the squatters culture in the Philippines, and how the Philippines came to be this way and why it still remains a third world country...and this topic is of interest to James because he feels deeply for the political situation of his country and hopes to be a politician in the Philippines...or better, becoming the president of the Philippines because he seems so eager to fix the problems of his country...I am not surprised that besides architecture he would want to become a politician...afterall, James does come from a lineage of politician relatives and family members...

Meanwhile John was thinking about the issue of identity and how that relates back to the larger system in the network of cities, and to a larger scale bnation states...how in today's technology allows us to spread parts of purselves in different places, while still being in one place...and potentially exploring the idea whether there is the notion of the "self" or the "individual" is really valid or is it the social networks in our society that help bring about the notion of the "self"...and I think it is also very relevant to what John is going through, it's all about finding himself, and coming to terms with his relationship and his ADD problems...for John it was all about discovering the self, the identity problems and coming to terms with his personal issues...

This helped jumpstart my potential topic for my paper, about the outsider, the one that has different ties to different social networks but in the end discovers that as the outsider, one really has no ties, because the multiple ties that one has with the various social networks in the cities are all weak ties...one is not cut off from completely from any of the social networks because who has some resemblance to a particular social network in order to fit in...however, as James suggested, could it be that the tie only remains because the presence of the outsider helps reaffirm the existence or identity of a particular larger social group...I think to a certain point...this is also very personal to me always feeling like the odd one out, the one who has never developped any strong ties to any social group...

And so our conversation was briefly interrupted when Sawn and Bill walked in to Starbucks...all of a sudden, in a strange way the common thing amongst the five of us was that we were all in Bill McDonald's studio last semester...it was a brief "McDonald's reunion" at Starbucks...feeling hungry John, James and I headed to Ollies for a late dinner...we all decided to watch "one hour photo" at John's place at International House where Jon and James are neighbours...the movie was great...and to James that movie was all about the "beige" infiltrating the other "beige"...but to me it was all about a criticism on the utopia of surbanism, that image of perfection that a family tries to portray is in reality disfunctional...and we both read the movie as relating to our studio projects...him just after finishing the "beige" topic studio and me just after the completion of the "utopia now" studio...And so, that was our little reunion and for me that brings back memories of three of us having a great time in SoHo and coffee at the East village, going to the Brancusi exhibit at the Guggenheim with John, going to the Barneys warehouse sale with John and Greg, and most of all the excursions in the city with Just James. Truely expriencing new york city, with a coktail at the Hudson lounge, dessert and coffee at the "W" hotel bar, the making of our documentary film, afternoon tea at Takashimaya and taking a walk along Central Park...I had a great time...

100% Feeling ill....

2004-12-14T03:33:00.000-05:00

my interactive applications assignment for actionscript Flash MX 2004 class...I decided to go for something non-architecture related..

Things haven't been going so well...I have been going through a lot of self-doubt lately...sometimes I doubt whether I have the abilities that would take me where I want to go...because it's a competitive world and sometimes I just don't see myself at the top of that world...and at 24, there are still a lot of bad habits that I haven't had the conviction to change, like putting 100% of devotion in everything I do...and somehow I have been lacking that passion for architecture which I had lost long ago...being in grad school just made me feel the world is so big, and there will always be those who are better and worse than you...a world where there is a multitude of ingenious ideas...a multitude of styles...and a multitude of people devoting there 100% for arhitecture...a multitude of people from different backgrounds and experiences...and when I see that multiplicity, I wish I could do it all...I know, that each person can only do so much, and one can only empcompass one's style...and one can only find one's own singular vision in design and not emcompass all visions out there...but still...it pains me to think about that...
And at 24, I wonder whether this is the prime time to "have a life" and enjoy life or is it time to seriously contemplate the next step and to begin that 100% devotion in one's work before it's too late...is it about time to be more critical of oneself, I wonder...and knowing what my expectations in life but not quite seeing clearly the road that would lead me there,and it makes me feel ill at times...So I doubt myself, I doubt my future, I regret my past...and all those thoughts makes me feel teribbly ill...maybe anxiety is kicking in again...I don't know and I can't see the path ahead of me and it terrifies me...because I am running out of time...at 24...

Anna Karenina...

2004-12-12T16:14:00.000-05:00

Shopie Marceau as the beautiful and mysterious Anna in "Anna Karenina"...

The coming of winter always reminds me of Tolstoy's "Anna Karenina". Maybe it was Sophie Marceau's unforgettable portrayal of Anna or maybe it was the novel itself that was even more memorable...and somehow, just like this, the arrival of winter always reminds me of "Anna Karenina" and the bare Russian countryside winter landscape that look so cold and harsh with the train passing by...the train, a symbol of the industrial age of Russia...and Anna's gaze so beautifully portrayed by Sophie Marceau...that fearful gaze in her eyes that was a premonition of her tragic end...how ironic that she would die with her body mangled under the passiing train, that very symbol of advancement...and not killed by her divorce to Karenin or her scandalous love affair with Count Vronsky, but killed by the crushing conventions of the time...and the introspective Count Levin came to realize that no matter what kinds of forces that are mysteriously shaping our lives, somewhere out there, there is a god...it's as if the end of Anna's tragedy is the beginning of a revelation for Levin...

The Plastic Tree

2004-12-12T03:53:00.000-05:00

Having spent most of the day at home and realizing how much stress Alice was undergoing to get her projects completed for her finals, only two weeks away, and knowing perfectly well how it feels to suffer from this kind of academic torture, I decided to get her out of her dorm and invite her to a nice dinner at Penang... thinking that some fresh air might be good for her, because it has always worked for me when I am stressed out...so before I met up with her at 7:30, I took the bus crosstown for some daily walking exercise, as usual on Madison and 5th...it is the best place to take a walk because it feels safe even when it's getting dark...SoHo is really nice too, but just too far and although it's an ultra hip place, there are still some elements of possible danger, like that episode of Sex and City where Carrie Bradshaw gets mugged in broad daylight with her Fendi baguette and Manolo Blahniks gone in an instant second...I must say, muggers are becoming more fashion savvy these days...so yes I would rather take a walk on the east side when I am by myself...One thing I enjoy the most after moving to New York city is walking alone in the city...I can't explain why I like it, but that I just enjoy my time alone in the city...and besides there is enough on my mind to keep me occupied, while I am walking...and enough visual stimulation in the shop windows lining Madison av. to keep me dreaming...about one day designing the shop windows or becoming a merchandising executive at Barneys... and those are the only brief moments where I can put away the cynicism and be more optimistic, in telling myself not to worry about life, that the world is full of opportunities, if I search hard enough... Tonight, the sidewalks of Madison were filled with Christmas shoppers and Jaguars, Bentleys and Mercedes line the sidewalk with chauffeurs waiting outside and reading the newspaper...I guess in LA, it's all about driving your own bling bling to go christmas shopping whereas in New York, it's all about having a chauffeur drive your bling bling when you go christams shooping... quite a big cultural difference...
The best part of the night was discovering the Columbus Circle night market at Central Park...something similar to a flee market...and I bought some hand made soaps...they just looked irresistable...then I rushed back to 72nd to meet Alice for dinner...
Over dinner, Alice asked me whether our family celebrated Christmas in the past, then the memory of the plastic christmas tree that dad had brought over from Taiwan when we were still living in Roxboro, kicked back...yes Roxboro, the very first home we bought when we immigrated to Canada...during the holidays, mom would bring out the plastic tree with the apple lighting ornaments into our living room, a living room that mom tried her best to decorate with the little means we had...mom put up the wallpaper by herself...they were rather tacky looking shiny wallpaer with embossed pink roses and pastel green petals accenting the pearly white background...mom even made the effort to pick out the sofa to match the wallpaper...it was a boxy velvety sofa with dark pink flowers and green leaves, and on top of the fireplace stood a big chinese fan...and I remember actually having fun making ornaments to decorate that "made in Taiwan" plastic tree...it even smelled like plastic...mom did her best to make our first home look nice, but it definitely felt very warm and homy, even if we often got injured by the sharp corners of our cheap furniture...but mom did her best...and that was enough...life was simple but we were happy in our home with our plastic christmas tree...
I was even the envy of my classmates, because my dad would always remind my mom not to stinge on the food and just give us whatever we want...so our cupboard was always filled with goodies such as chocolates, chips and candies...whereas my classmates didn't have that kind of freedom in eating whatever they desired...
Who knew, that at 24, I would end up in graduate school, living in New York City and Los Angeles having great expectations in life and living the good life...yes who knew?...but I am fully aware that everything I have is all given to me by my parents and I will forever be grateful to mom and dad for giving me the life I want and even if I never make in life to continue the good life...I will still be grateful for what I was once able to enjoy...and still be grateful to my parents who have to deal with a very difficult and demanding "me"...I just want them to know that I am not oblivious to what they have done and that I am aware of everything that they have given me, providing me with the best, whenever they can...and truely grateful to mom who once said that she would give everything I desired if it was within her means to do so...and so she did...much to my disbelief, she actually bought me that car...and I am truely sorry for being unresonably demanding and stubborn at times...but in an inexplicable way, mom always understands...and so once again, I am truely grateful...even for that plastic tree...I just hope that there won't come a day where I have to disappoint them...because that would be very painful for me, knowing how much they have given me in life and guidance...all beginning with that plastic christmas tree...

2004-12-12T03:18:00.000-05:00

Beautiful handmade soaps at the Market...too irresistable to miss...

2004-12-12T03:17:00.000-05:00

More yummy looking soaps...

2004-12-12T03:16:00.000-05:00

Happy Together at the market...

2004-12-12T03:14:00.000-05:00

The Columbus Circle Market in Central Park...

Celebration...

2004-12-11T08:41:00.000-05:00

more celebration for the the end of another semester...2/3 of the way on completeing my graduate degree...

After spending most of thursday resting and recuperating from the sleep deprivation I had gone through for the past week during finals, I woke up on a Friday rainy afternoon...by the time I had coffee, it was already dark outside, and I just didn't feel like going anywhere, so I decided to continue celebrating my end of semester at home, in my apartment. I had more coffee and realized that I had ran out of Baileys Irish cream...something that I always put in my coffee. Somehow, coffee just tasted very different without Bailey's...So I put on my jacket and grabbed my wallet and headed down to the winery at Trump Place to stock up on some Baileys and a bottle of red wine for celebration...strangely enough, that afternoon, my taste buds were craving for the sour and bitter-sweet taste of red wine. I say it's strange that I would have such strong craving for the taste of wine, because I rarely drink.
When I arrived at the store just right next to the Trump Marketplace, I immediately went to the back of the store to pick up a bottle of Baileys and then proceeded to shop around for the red wine...after much debate, I decided to pick up Les Eres. It's a vintage wine. The label on the back claims that the 2000 vintage collection only produced 4500 bottles of Les Eres and that the wine was a "blend" of 55% Grenache which are 85 year old vines, 30% Carignan, which are 95 year old vines and of course 15% of Cabernet Sauvignon...For some reason this was the only bottle had appealed to me, so after much debate, I decided to go for it.
I was beaming with happiness to taste the the wine when I got home, only to find out that I had no corkscrew at my disposal...I called mom and she told me to ask the people at the winery to open the bottle for me, which I thought was embarassing, but nevertheless, I am amazed at mom's imagination in telling me to lie about how I had just lent my corkscrew to a friend who never returned it and so that is why I need their help to open this bottle of wine...so, I immediately grabbed my wallet and headed to Gracious home in search of a bottle opener and then as I came came out of the store with my shopping bag, I thought to myself, what is wine tasting without a decent wine goblet, I continued my journey in the rain to Pottery Barn for the perfect wine goblet...I never anticipated that going out to stock up on some staples would turn out to be a mini shopping spree...did I mention that after finding the perfect wine goblet, I dropped by Starbucks for a cup of venti mocha?
That evening I lounged in my apartment with a glass of wine, some movies and magazines, it was great...somehow I could see my life coming together and realizing that in the future I should be more confident with my ideas and what I have to offer, in whatever I do...deep down, I think I am still that same Lilly Dee in high school who had such passion for design and the arts, the Lilly Dee who was inspired by everything she saw around her, the Lilly Dee that dreamed of making it big one day with multiple careers...only this dream stopped as I began having a more cynical outlook on life...all my dreams became clouded with images of myself sitting at an office, working under a boss and doing autocad drawings for the rest of my life...and my life would just waste my life away like that...Therefore, I am grateful to have realized that, deep down, I never fully let go of that dream of making it in the world, no matter how realistic I try to be, that dream has always been lurking in the back of my mind and I just can't get it out of my head...nevertheless, a dream is still a dream...we are all entitled to indulge in our dreams once in a while...espescially in celebration of the end of another semeter and a step closer to a graduate degree...
After movie and wine, I went online to blog, but I was too tired, so instead I chatted briefly with Alice and Jimmy on msn. Jimmy told me that it was Eric's birthday, a guy who claims that architecture is his life and passion...yes, it's such a coincidence that his bithday would be on the same day of his final review and it was good to know that his review went well...and I realized he just turned 30, which makes it a big birthday too...So I guess this makes it a day of celebration for all...and so...cheers to everyone!

2004-12-11T08:38:00.000-05:00

Where is Ana-jo...hiding behind the bookstacks, of course...

What Now; Where do I go From Here?

2004-12-09T21:18:00.000-05:00

My favorite...plain white rice with nothing, packed nicely into a take out container...it saw me through my painful all-nighters in search of my Utopia...

Record on Yahoo indicates that Lilly Dee has not blogged in three whole days! Sorry fellow readers...but during those three days, I was practically gonna shit in my pants while gathering my thoughts for my final project...so just a warning, this will be a very long blog! because Lilly Dee is BACK! hahaha...ok I know I am immature...but who cares because I just survived another semester at Columbia...

It has always been a pattern for me, where after a grueling semester of work and pressure to prepare for the final review of the semester, pulling many all-nighters...and I must say those would be the most painful days because when I know that the whole world is sleeping, I cannot afford any time for sleep or else...then on the day of my presentation, I would have to sit there for hours on end, worrying how I might be criticized by the jury in public, as I finish presenting my work...but then, the moment when everything ends, I am suddenly overcome by a feeling of "What now? Where do I go from here??"...well first things first...I can go home and sleep, then think about the rest later...

My second semester at Columbia, began with what I considered as a sign of bad luck and I was right about that...for some odd reason, this semester I did not even manage get the topic studio of my choice, but rather I got in to the topic studio that I seriously wanted to avoid...but life is strange, at the moment when I was praying hard not to be confronted with that certain topic, I go to the 4th floor of Avery to check the results of the studio lottery, and there, I find my social security number under the name of the professor heading my most dreaded topic studio...and that sealed the fate that I would be forced to deal with the topic of UTOPIA NOW...and there is no way out and suddenly Jean-Paul Sartre 's "NO EXIT" became relevant to my situation, I felt like I was being suffocated in a small room, where there is no way out but to confront the other three strangers in a small room...even audiences of "NO EXIT" were left with a feeling of suffocation because the entire plot took place in a single setting...a room where there was no way out...

On the first day of class, I forced myself to go to studio early, to wait for our professor, Thomas Leeser...it seems that he is a well-known, charismatic and good looking architect in his fourties...that's about as much as I knew about this professor that was going to lead a studio called "utopia now"...I thought to myself that this professor must be crazy, because to me, Utopianism is sooo over... That afternoon, our professor walked into studio with his charismatic self and proceeded to ask us to intoduce ourselves and tell him why we chose to be in this topic studio...at that moment I was literally gonna "shit in my pants" because all I kept thinking was how much I didn't want to be part of that studio...I was the last amongst the twelve in the studio to introduce myself, and when confronted with the question as to why I chose to be in this studio, I froze and then asked my professor "do you want to know the honest answer to this question?", then everybody turned their heads, and all eyes were on me. My professor jokingly said "no" and then said "yes of course". So I told him that I didn't want to be in his sudio at all because I have been avoiding the topic of utopia for most of my life, and I think that this topic is too open ended, because anything is possible and I think that this topic requires more responsibility than I can handle. He responded by saying "well, I think that it's a good thing, that you are now confronted with Utopia, and you are right it will be a big responsibility, but you can always design a bus station or a building if you like."...and so that was that...and I didn't go to studio for an entire week...

When I finally showed up in studio it was my turn to present my research on utopia...not only that, but that day we were presenting in the school auditorium with a powerpoint presentation and a microphone. Such a big room, made me shit in my pants...most people's presentation helped generate conversation about utopia except for mine...when I finished presenting my thoughts on Utopia, there was complete silence in the room...but then again, how could one respond to such a cynical presenttion on utopia...I began the presentation with definitions of utopia that I found in the dictionary, then proceeded by arguing that maybe there is no need to look further, but that utopia is what already what "is"...and that it was an imposed ideal with a picture of a man pointing a finger(gun) to his head...blah blah blah...that thinking about utopia is a luxury that not many can afford...that thinking about utopia is completey selfish...and that maybe uopia is not thinking about utopia...being an existentialist at heart, it was very difficult for me to imagine my utopia, because my mind just doesn't allow me to indulge in thinking that way...

It was the pressure of time, that forced me to throw in a couple of potential topics that I might like to pursue...my professor liked my "drive-thru city" proposal and told me to go ahead with that scheme...the more I thought about drive-thru city, the more it made me uncomfortable. A city with neverending infrastructure, and a world of constant driving...I thought, what kind of nightmare have I just proposed; I had just proposed a dystopia...and my insomnia started from that day on...the next time when I saw my professor I told him that maybe I should change my topic, but he insisted that I stick with "drive-thru city"...

Throughout the design process, for the most part, I was having a battle with myself, as to whether or not I should tone down this idea and make it semi-feasible or do I take it to the extreme...by the first midterm, I still hadn't figured out what I wanted for the project, but the review went quite well and the jury liked my proposal...by the second midterm, I was still struggling and the jury suggested that I have to figure out whether it's going to be "drive-thru city" or "drive-in city"...they were right, I can't go back and forth, I needed to figure out which direction I should take this project...part of me just wanted to be conventional, and suggested that buildings still exist, but only sandwiched between the residual spaces of the infrastructure and that made it become "drive-in city", however I preferred the sound of "drive-thru" city...and so for a while I was going nowhere with this project and instead I was going in circles...it was pretty agonizing...

I was so desperate, and sitting at starbucks on a rainy day over a venti mocha, I decided to call Richard, my spiritualist. I asked him whether or not I was going to make it through this semester or better yet will I even be able to graduate from this school...and Richard said "how many times do I have to tell you, of course you will make it, so just calm down, go home and burn some candles..."...and so I went home to burn some candles and wrote letters to the spirits...I know I sound crazy...but I was going nowhere with anything anyways...

Just a few days before final, I became so upset that I decided to take everything to the extreme and force constant mobility onto all the inhabitants of drive-thru city and all buildings thus eliminated...only infrastructure and and vehicles...and nothing else!...I must have been really mad under "the pressure of time" to decide to take such extremes...I thought, why not take reality to the extreme, I mean that's one of the luxuries of being in school, is that one doesn't have to be responsible for one's design decisions...there is no boss to face but only oneself...so why not?...and so I proceeded to work on this project and just wished that this semester could end as fast as possible, so I can put this nightmare behind me, as my brain cells were depreciating in numbers...from all the endless thinking, even in my sleep!...but as I worked on the project, I became confused as to what I should design, the infrastructure or the vehicle? But re-designing either didn't sound right to my instincts...because I wanted to deal with reality and not re-inventing an unfamiliar futuristic looking city...I was more interested in the reality of the everyday...to me, the banal is interesting, if one looked deeper into it and didn't disregard it, one would discover that even the banal of everydayness has its interesting "absurdities".

Yesterday, at my final review where I was about to shit in my pants, and the fact that I was the last to present and that there were six jurors including my professor, made it even worse. The following are fragments of my speech beginning with the follwing quote:

"At any streetcorner the feeling of absurdity can strike any man in the face. As it is, in its distressing nudity, in its light without effulgence, it is elusive. But that very difficulty deserves reflection." Albert Camus

"I am approaching this uotpia project from an existentialist point of view, in bringing together the everyday environmental conditions and examining it's components through the recombination and emphasis of a certain existing condition in our world...in this case, examining the "absurdity" of mobility...something that is so familiar and yet not so familiar upon closer examination...
In the event of globalization, certain elements of our built environment become familiar to us as we travel around the world...such as the mobile phone, the laptop the universal physical language of the infrastructure that shape our cities, and along with that, automobiles...
Therefore with the same diversity that can be seen around the world, perhaps the future of the world is a web of neverending infrastructure without limit or boundary...where "mobility" is no longer a choice but becomes a condition that is forced upon us...
blah blah blah...
therefore in a city where buildings become obsolete, the existing vehicular types are re-programmed...the bus becomes the office...the school bus becomes the school itself...the truck becomes the retail spaces and the car transporter becomes the parking lot...the car transpoter linked with the truck becomes the shopping mall...and blah blah blah..."

One juror, asked "have you thought about retrofitting the vehicle types, to figure out how you can really adapt them to new uses?" then my professor jumped in, and said "that is a good idea" and suggested that would be the next step to take...and I said "yes, it was only towards the very end that I figured out that I wanted to take this project to the extreme, and realized that what I should be designing is not the infrastructure but rather the new adaptive re-use of the vehicle...then my professor said "I know how difficult it is to realize this, nevertheless, I think you chose the right direction in bringing this condition to the extreme...it is not about looking at the magazine or books for styles of utopia, but re-examining the current condition, which I think makes this a very strong project..." then another juror asked "have you thought about what the cemetary would look like in your utopia?...I ask this because interestingly you begin with a quote by Albert Camus and he died in a car accident...did you know that?...being a fan of Camus, I said "yes I know"...then another juror said that it is a strong move to take something to the extreme and then going back and re-examining those extreme conditions...children spend up to an hour on the school bus and therefore the school bus has become an extension of the school experience, which makes this project very relevant to the title of this studio utopia now, maybe utopia is what already exists around us"...and the conversation ended with all of them agreeing that "it was great"...

I won't assess whether my project was good or not, because nothing can be classified in that way, but only that I speculate that I was last to present because my peers all made proposals of utopia, while I proposed a dystopia...while they provided a world of immense possibilities and choices to the inhabitants of their utopias, I on the other hand, left mine without any choice but a forced condition of constant mobility upon the inhabitants of my distopia and I was glad that the jurors understood what I was trying to do with my project...and so my project was the odd one out...I guess...this experience, strangely left me with some thoughts of the day...and so I leave you all with my "questions of the day":

What is more important, design or concept?
What is good design without a strong concept to back it up?
Is design without a solid concept, a form of mimmickery?
Or does it simply become a beautiful object?
And so is a beautiful object meaningful? or is it just a beautiful object?
Is a less beautiful design derived from a strong concept more important or meaningful than a beautiful object?
Is the beautiful object and end in itself?
Is the conceptual design a means to the end?
Is it good when architecture becomes a beautiful object?
In the face of an open-ended topic, like utopia, does constraint become obsolete?
And could we truely have complete freedom in contemplating on the idea of utopia, without setting up any constraints?
If so, then is it still a contemplation on utopia or is it just allowing our imaginations to take-off?
Is there a difference between the two?
Or is it precisely something that is so open-ended that truely needs specific constraints to drive a valid proposal for utopia?
Is it right for the architect to assume the role of critiquing the existing environment?
Is it the role of the architect to propose a utopia?
So then, what is utopia now?
Is "utopia" still relevant to our time?
What now?
Where do we go from here?

2004-12-09T21:16:00.000-05:00

After a day of grueling final review...we all relax and head out for dinner in celebration of the end of another semester...

"Buying" with the Heart...

2004-12-04T22:08:00.000-05:00

After much encouragement from Just James to write about my experience at Woodburry, I decided to go ahead and blog about it and stop caring how others will perceive me...and so I will...

Rem Koolhaas' and Harvard GSD's guide to "shopping" argues that shopping is everywhere stating "Shopping is the medium by which the market has solidified its grip on our spaces, buildings, cities, activities, and lives."...yes shopping has definitely infiltrated our urban spaces, public spaces and has become a dominant form of leisure activity along with the invention of the first Paris arcade in 1786 and the advent of fixed pricing in 1824...shopping has therefore become a passive activity that takes place in a highly controlled artificial environment, like the shoppings malls of Victor Gruen...So being fully aware of my surroundings and the current conditions of urban life, I think that critiquing it is one thing, but being one who lives amidst this cultural phenomenon, is quite different...and maybe the experience of buying is not so passive afterall...maybe it's time to just accept things as they are, and perhaps the act of shopping does not have to be associated with guilty pleasures...
Thursday morning, my brother and I left New York city behind us for a day of "walking around" at the Woodburry Common Outlet...we drove there with his rented Mazda through the desolate landscape of forests surrounding the freeway...the scenic view was refreshing for me, I guess it is still possible to get sick of New York city from time to time...
After an hour and a half we arrive and stop by "Thyme to Eat" for some brunch, they make there grilled burgers the same way as the Hamilton Deli near school...looking out the window of the restaurant, the outlet looked rather absurd...it was a compound made up of individual buildings that look like suburban houses...who could guess that within this "surburbia-like" shopping outlet would dwell such celebrities of the fashion world as Celine, Prada, Fendi, Versace, Bottega Venetta, Tod's, Escada, YSL, Frette, Etro,Gucci, Chanel,and Girorgio Armani... yes quite shoking considering how the list of celebrities is quite comprehensive...
This Outlet basically implies "shop till you drop" and that's what we did, we shopped till our arms started hurting from the shopping bags we were lugging with us as we ventured from one store into another...I didn't know how well my brother and I shop together, we both shopped at the same stores at the same time, there was no need to disperse and go our seperate ways...and from time to time he actually asked for my opinion, I never knew that my shopping opinions could be of any use to anybody, until that day...I was very proud to have introduced my brother to "Frette", makers of one the most expensive bedsheets on the market, commonly found in the most luxurious hotels and residences...but the Frette outlet store is more affordable...much to my brother's dismay, they only make their "dunno how many thread counts" of egyptian cotton sheets for queen and king size beds...but alas I was happy that he found Frette bath towels to be useful, so he bought two sets of towels...I was quite touched when he offered to buy me a set. If I was in LA I would have accepted the generous offer, but realizing that I am living in a "pigsty" of an apartment at Trump Place, I was in no mood to fully enjoy a set of uber expensive bath towel, it just wouldn't do Frette any justice...I also casually mentioned to him that Pratesi sheets are also really good, but too bad there was no Pratesi in sight at the outlet...
We had shopped quite a bit and he had already found quite a bit of stuff while I made little progress, until we reached Bottega Veneta...there, on the shelf was a beautifully crafted hand selected deerskin slouchy handbag, just sitting there and looking lonely...I picked up the exotic bag, stood in front of the mirror and began having an imaginary conversation with the designer of the bag, I know I can be pretty psycho sometimes...I said to the designer, in my imaginary coversation "Yes, I totally understand your design, the detailing, the selection of the material, the thought that went into the framing and the stiching of the bag...and by the way don't be discouraged if your design is now sitting on the shelf of an outlet store, it could be due to a number of reasons...perhaps those who can appreciate it cannot afford it, and perhaps those who can afford it want a "louder" handbag and just can't see the subtle beauty of your design...but I totally understand what your going for..so keep it up and don't give up!"...and so at the spur of the moment I walked out the store with a Bottega Veneta shopping bag, with the deerskin bag inside...looking at the receipt with a huge "final sale" stamp, my head almost exploded as I saw mom's face screaming at me "I told you to STOP BUYING"...there is no going back and I would have to face the consequences of my impulsive act...I began wondering if it was worth the trouble over a handbag that some people might mistake for a garbage bag...but I decided not to regret about it...for those who don't know, the average price of a Bottega Veneta is higher than your average Prada or Fendi...they don't make "cheaper versions" of the same design, as the other brands do...they are known for their exquisite craftsmanship and selection of exotic leather, which makes them even more unaffordable at regular price...
As the number of shopping bags were increasing faster and faster, we decided to make a trip to the car and drop everything into the trunk before we head to Saks outlet store...my brother found more stuff...and then he saw a Versace crystal bottle stopper by Rothensal...he bought one and offered to get me one too...this time I accepted but told him that I don't drink wine...he said "who cares, just stuff it in any bottle" and so I said "alright"...so yes, now we both have identical bottle stoppers with the head of the medusa crafted in sanded crystal...
The last item I splurged on was a TSE black cashmere sweater...once again, it was one of those moments were I just unconsciously picked it up and walked to the cash register without thinking...
Feeling really, exhausted we drove back to the city...we looked pretty scarry when we double parked in front of Trump Place as we unloaded all the shopping bags fron the trunk, even I was in a state of shock...and then proceeded quickly to return the rental car to Hertz on 77th st...the evening ended with a very nice dinner at Penang...malaysian food never tasted soo good...
When we got back, the concierge told me that a garment bag was delivered for me this afternoon, yes it was December 2nd and the "on sale" Helmut Lang black sweater jacket that I reserved had been messengered to me...and I remebered thinking to myself that I won't be shopping for a long while...
That night as I sat in bed going over the contents of my shopping bags I realized that I have been buying alot of black sweaters lately, remembering my wardrobe in LA was more colorful...and now strangely I have gone back to black...and maybe it's time to come to terms with the fact that black is "me" and maybe that's why I can never completely hate New York...the city just makes me want to wear black and I truely love it...so yes I will never be a girly girl...and "black" is my official uniform...therefore, I was happy with my purchase...
Examining the the BV bag that I bought as a result of an imaginary conversation with a designer, I realized there was no way in the world that I could possibly regret bringing it home with me, it was worth it as I unzipped the bag and found that the inside was not lined in nylon, canvas or cotton, but genuine beige suede, and it must have been quite difficult to stretch the deerskin over the metal frames of the side pockets...and so I was truely content with the splurge of the day...I felt that this time I truely bought with my "heart"...I bought what was "me" and I wasn't influenced by trend or other extenal factors that would have made me choose otherwise...for once I bought honestly with my heart and stopped caring whether others will appreciate my taste...
So with that in mind, I hope that my brother bought with his heart too...the Woodburry experience was very nice...for the first time he bought without any reserve in front of me...he would never buy, when we shopped before, perhaps he thought that since I had such a bad reputation surrounding my spending habits, he would not do the same to set an example...but I didn't change as a result of that, and I am glad that he spent the day without reserve and was absolutely comfortable being himself in my presence...I think we both shopped till our "heart's" content...and maybe it's not such a passive experience afterall, as I found myself having imaginary conversations with imaginary designers...

2004-12-04T16:52:00.000-05:00

Leaving the city behind....

2004-12-04T16:47:00.000-05:00

On our way to Woodburry...

A "McLaren" for Fry...

2004-12-02T05:25:00.000-05:00

As finals are coming up really soon and the winter holidays not far away, I cannot help but escape into that other world of LA from my current stressful existence in New York city...that other world filled with "bling bling" experiences with friends...just like a weekly episode of the O.C...in fact, Frank was the one who started calling everything made of chrome, bling bling...I used to have an obsession of running my fingers over "chromy" materials, espescially the chrome around the side doors of Frank's Mercedes CLK, with Joyce getting annoyed and telling me to "stop touching"...yes that brings to mind of the friday night driving in Joyce's ultra-hip BMW z-4 convertible, with the top down, streaming down Wilshire blvd. with me catching a cold the very next day...and driving in the middle of the night in a very desolate downtown LA is a thing we often do when pulling all-nighters for a deadline with Joyce and Emily...Joyce and I would sream in Emily's BMW 320, watching helplessly as she "accidentally" runs the red light or better yet makes a left turn on the right-most lane of the one way Flower st...thank heavens nothing happens to us...this reminds me that I was never as lucky as Emily, with two consecutive car accidents on the LA freeway, within half a year, with my old Audi A4... which would leave me with no choice but to drive mom's Toyota RAV 4 for a month...then the old spoiled me would bitch about that car for a month because the steering was too light and the acceleration too slow...then at our weekly gatherings at Joyce's place, there would be two matching cars parked side by side, mom's RAV 4 and Fry's RAV4, or my silver Audi and Mao's black Audi...which also remind's me of Kin's fully looaded Audi S4...so I do still miss my Audi from time to time although I have traded in long ago for my Porsche...yea and that reminds me of the embarassing incident with Joyce during finals while we were loading our models into my Jaguar courtesy car when my Cayenne was in for overnight service...and Molly walks by us giving me a weird glance wondering why I am driving an "old people car" as Em would call it...speaking of "old people car", we always find it strange how our professors are so attached to their vintage european cars...it's ironic how at USC, students drive better cars than their professors...oh and I always enjoy a ride from Jeff in his burgundy Camery, when we go for dinner and cheap HK DVD buying spree...I definitely miss the mercedes benz party that I attended with Fry and Joyce, because the food and drinks offered was just really good, and the test drive was not so bad either...that brings back memories of the old days of car dealer hopping in Newport Beach when Frank and Joyce where looking to buy a car...and that eventfull day with Fry at the Audi dealer checking out the new A8 and A4 (taking a break from GRE)...and those are the indulgent days that we will never be able to relive again as we mature and begin to deal with "real life responsibilities"...sorry dear Fry for the empty promise I made about going with you to test drive the new Range Rover, as I was busy moving to NY this past summer...so knowing how much you and Juno were obseesing about the release of the new Mercedes SLR, this article that I came by today, is dedicated to you, Fry, and all those who have a genuine interest in fine automobiles:

Wide open: Mercedes SLR McLaren
Is the Mercedes supercar really worth $450,000? We went to a race track to find out.
November 29, 2004: 10:37 AM EST
By Lawrence Ulrich, MONEY Magazine

Alton, Va. (CNN/Money) - I was there at Virginia International Raceway, about to drive the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren for no good reason, really.
I mean, the sticker price for the SLR McLaren is $452,500. Can you afford one? Neither can I.
Money aside, they're harder to find than weapons of mass destruction, and just about as volatile. The car boasts 617 horsepower from a hand-built, supercharged 5.5-liter V-8. Its top speed is a little over 200 miles per hour.
For now, maybe 200 Americans will write the big check, swing open the SLR's gullwing doors and assume a yoga posture to gain entry. Those folks aren't the type to take advice from the likes of me. But just in case one of you is reading, I'll give you some:
Before you decide to lay down half-a-million dollars, ask yourself if you're likely to get your money's worth out of a car like this. Only a handful of owners will have what it takes -- the guts, the talent, the backyard racetrack -- to get near SLR's capabilities.
If you do have what it takes, congratulations. The SLR is just stupid fun to drive, reaching 60 mph in the time it takes you to scream for Mommy. (For me, about 3.7 seconds). Valets will pay you to park it, and the club owner will throw in a bucket of Cristal.
Big puff or real deal?
I had immediately dismissed the SLR when I first saw it twirling onstage at the Detroit Auto Show. I saw right through its smug, look-but-don't-touch supercar shtick. Sure, it looked properly exotic: The surfboard-sized hood bulge, the opulent cabin, the pointy snout and snooty-Brit pedigree from McLaren, Benz' Formula One bedmate.
But the SLR also seemed suspiciously similar to a "lowly" Mercedes SL, adding but a single letter and $370,000 to the price. Besides, how much hotter could it be than an SL65 AMG, with an uncomfortably proximate 604 horsepower for a mere $180,000?
Turns out I was wrong. Really wrong.
The SLR will roll down posh boulevards like any Prada-seeking SL, but the resemblance ends when you nail the throttle. This car is a dragon, a fistful of nitro, ready to snap its tail or blow up in your face if you make just one ham-handed move.
That revelation came that day at Virginia International, a 3.3-mile scribble of blind turns, fast straightaways and technical challenges. ("One lap here is like 100 at Watkins Glen," Carroll Shelby is reported to have said.)
The sound
The first clue to the SLR's legitimacy is the sound: A seismic wallop like a cannonball in a Civil War epic. Played through a quartet of side pipes, it's more NASCAR than the high-strung shriek I'd expected.
Trying to lay down 575 pound-feet of torque on the morning's rain-dampened pavement, I quickly learned to roll gently onto the throttle or feel the back end go batty.
That intoxicating power is managed through the AMG Speedshift F1-style gearbox. Drive it in full automatic, or shift via the center lever or buttons on the steering wheel.
The system took some getting used to. Selectable settings progressively raise the five-speed's shift points and effect crisper gear changes, with the final "race" setting snapping off commands with brutal efficiency. Steering is very quick but it was initially heavier than I expected.
Go with a pro
Lapping the track with Chris Goodwin, a talented racer and McLaren's chief test driver, I was soon spurring the SLR to its 7,000-rpm redline and finding 160 mph over the blind crest on the long straight.
I'm eager to shoot for more, but Goodwin -- whose unmatched intimacy includes 100,000 miles in the SLR -- politely entreats me to lift off the gas while there's a smooth margin for braking. (His own heroically swift laps top out at 170 mph).
Stomp hard on the brakes at anything over 59 miles per hour and an "air brake" -- a large rear wing -- pops up to create stability-enhancing downforce and further slow the car.
Of course, all this power, technology and hand-crafted performance comes at a real-estate-sized price. But if the price is fantasy, the SLR -- minus its joint-twisting entry and exit -- proves a more realistic daily driver than most supercars.
That's best exemplified by a surprisingly large trunk that easily swallows two sets of golf clubs.
Of course, after an exhilarating exposure to the SLR, most owners will be chucking their Callaways. After all, they've discovered a more fast-paced hobby.

This Christmas Remember to...

2004-12-02T02:04:00.000-05:00

yes...give good gifts...

Yes, so Barneys' Christmas catalog is reminding its "patrons" to give good gifts, so please remember, if you are going to give a gift, then you better give a good gift...browsing through the array of gifts offered in the Barneys catalog, I found many a beautiful gift ideas, but nothing as GOOD as the one's featured on the infamous Neiman Marcus Christmas Book 2004 for this coming holiday, I must say, even the Bergdorf's gift catalog doesn't even come close to this...so here are a list of outrageously, irresistable, glamorous gifts from Neiman's to dream about when giving a "good" gift:

"CUSTOM SUIT OF ARMOR:Exquisitely crafted and historically accurate down to the last detail, a custom suit of armor is just the thing to get your lord a leaping. For a perfect fit, an artisan will gather measurements and a lower leg casting of the lucky recipient, then handcraft and fit a brand new suit of armor straight from the 15th century...call 1 877 9NM GIFT...price $20,000.00"

"ZEPPELLIN:A famous ingenuity when it was launched in 1900, the iconic transportation genius of Count Ferdinand Graf von Zeppellin has achieved another milestone. We are excited to offer you the opportunity to be the first on your block(or in the world for that matter) to privately own a modern Zeppellin NT...call 1877 9NM GIFT...price $10,000,000.00"

"HIS & HERS: From sleepovers to family reunions to a romantic evenings for two, our 2004 His and Hers gift is all about sharing good times. There certainly is plenty to share in your 5000 square foot, four lane bowling entertainment center. You choose the architectural style and we do the rest...call 1 877 9NM GIFT...price $1,450,000.00"

"LIMITED EDITION 2005 MASERATI QUATTROPORTE: We are proud to introduce the NM limited edition 2005 maserati quattroporte. This majestic opus from Gruppo Ferarri Maserati sets new standards for performance, style and eclusivity in a luxury sports sedan...call 1 877 9NM GIFT...price $125,000.00"

"GRAND OLE OPRY EXPERIENCE; ...Now for the first time, you can join country music royalty on stage during a live Opry broadcast. Along with sitting in on the show, our exclusive package includes a music lesson with an opry band member, a pre-show gourmet dinner for two in your dressing room...call 1 877 9NM GIFT...price $25,000.00"

"UNDERWATER AVIATOR:...Blowing conventional submarine technology out of the water, the Deep Flight Aviator sets a new standard for underwater exploration. Strap yourself into one of the two cockpits with the racing seat harness, and you can use the joystick controls to bank,roll, dive, and maneuver it the same way you would fly a plane. It can dive to 1500 feet, achieve speeds of up to eight knots, and has life support for up to 24 hours...call 1 877 9 NM GIFT...price $1,700,000.00"

"PINK SAPPHIRE AND DIAMOND JEWELRY: 124.11 carats of pure pink sapphire heaven and 85.47 carats of diamonds for good measure. All settings are platinum and 18kt. yellow gold, of course...call 1 877 9NM GIFT...price $2,500,000.00"

"VACATION HOMES AROUND THE WORLD: With an exclusive resort membership, you can enjoy premier vacation destinations, all the while being pampered at a private luxury residence. Hand-picked homes of 2.5 million dollars on average are completely turnkey with an on-site concierge, daily housekeeping service...call 1 877 9NM GIFT...price $375,000.00"

"LIFETIME AAIRPASS MEMBERSHIP:...Quite literally. With a worldwide lifetime AAirpass membership you can globe-trot whenever and wherever you like. The rules are wonderfully simple: each AAirpass membership allows you to book seating in any available cabin, with VIP privileges on any open seat for American Airlines' 4200 daily flights to 250 cities in more than 40 countries around the globe...call 1 800 433 6355...price for One lifetime $3,000,000.00, for two lifetime $5,000,000.00"

"HAUTE COUTURE VALENTINO GOWN:...Now you can give her the gown of her dreams with a one-of-a-kind creation from the legendary Italian master. Valentino Garavani's breathtaking couture adorns supermodels, actresses, and royalty around the world...Valentino and his team spent 350 hours exquisitely handcrafting a heavenly gown...call 1 877 9NM GIFT...price $325,000.00"

So those were the more interesting gift ideas I found in the book, I just love it how they are never too ashamed to list the price, instead of just politely stating "price upon request"...well, the Christmas Book is one of the perks that comes with my old "bling bling" life of frequently "taking a drive" to Neiman's in Beverly Hills...
With all these "good" gifts in mind, I am inspired to shop...so tomorrow my brother and I are heading to "Woodburry Common Outlet" with his rented Mazda, for a day of "good gift" hunting...

Connectionism...

2004-11-30T22:54:00.000-05:00

Alice's favorite expressions on msn...

Today as my Professor Manuel Delanda was lecturing on the theory of connectionism as in neural nets, in the philosophy of exploring the components of "knowing how", through Artifical Intelligence, I was daydreaming more along the lines of connectionism in cyberspace...
I personally don't really enjoy chatting online with strangers, because I feel that it is simply too stressful for me, but chatting with friends is quite a different story...the conversation can be really mundane and I won't be completely distracted from my work...so it all works out perfectly...
I chat regularly with Alice when I spot her status online...and the contents of our conversation are never too stressful, in fact it is just nice, neither here nor there...just about a bunch of nothing...one frequent subject matter being about "poop" and "constipation"...and sometimes it is not even necessary to initiate the conversation with "how are you doing", because our msn titles would be the best indicator of how we are, either feeling really shitty, or feeling really good...there is always just enough hint in Alice's msn title to make me want to ask her about her choice of "the title of the day"...ever since yesterday we have been sharing rather common titles...Alice's being ":+*-^#~@*"?*+:. last day of break, I'm gonna shit in my pants! w/ butt glued to chair and nothing is done! says:" and mine being "gonna shit in my pants says:"...
Yes, the day after a long Thanksgiving break, we both realized that finals is fast approaching and there is still quite a bit of work ahead of us...so we both decided that we were gonna shit in our pants pretty soon...and over the course of the day she would check up on me asking "so did u shit in ur pants yet?" and I would type back "nope, still developping"...then I would ask her the same thing and she would type back "not yet, almost...ya needs development"
One thing in which I like about the conversation is that Alice has a bunch of customized faces that she uses on msn to describe those indescribable emotions...
When she is complaining about how her crazy roommate is watching the same movie over and over again for a gazillian times, she would use the facial expression with the blood coming out of the nose...
When she is describing how much she is enjoying the jar of peanuts my mom gave her...she would use the drooling face with the saliva coming out of the mouth...or that face with the big smiley eyes...
When she was describing how my most recent blog almost made her cry...she used the expression of two hands covering the face along with a face with sweat running down the forehead...which can signify many different things...
And when she is expressing a smile...she uses the expression of a smily face with humongus teeth showing and so on...
When I see those faces...I just want to laugh...although those expressions are designed to be comical, there is a certain quality in it that makes it feel so genuine and easy to relate to...which actually makes this type of "connectionism" feel real as if one is actually chatting with that person at a nearby cafe...
It is those "faces" that really spice up a rather everyday conversation about "schoolwork", "crazy roomates", "poop","retarded songs","the mystery surrounding the missing knife","spraypainting our dogs" and "our parents"...
This also brings to mind my professor's mention of Erwing Goffman, the first person who devised the measurement of "degree of embarassment" and "knowing the rules of conversation" stating that there is a a certain threshold in a converartion where one's reputation is accidentally damaged to the point where everybody becomes sooo embarrased that the "equilibrium" of the conversation is dissolved...he also noted that the success in communication for adults is knowing "the rules of conversation" as in knowing how to maintain that "equilibrium" through the course of a conversation...
I think Alice and I have done a pretty good job at maintaining that equilibrium so far...we don't embarass each other...but we just embarass ourselves with descriptions of weird things that happen to us in our everyday in NYC...

2004-11-30T22:49:00.000-05:00

chatting the night away...

Trying Hard to Remember: something old and something new

2004-11-29T23:42:00.000-05:00

Who knew that on this saturday of my thanksgiving weekend that I would be expreiencing some old and something new all together in one single day...once again, it was all totally unexpected...
On a saturday afternoon Alice and I decided to go to the newly built MoMA by Yoshio Taniguchi on 54th and 5th ave...we stood in line for almost an hour in line to realize that both students from Columbia and Parsons can get free admission...it felt great to save the 20 dollars of admission fee...
We stayed fifteen minutes until closing time and ventured out to look for a decent restaurant as we were both starving...I suggested to Alice that we go to one of the restaurants in Time Warner Center...well actually I already had a restaurant in mind...it was "BarMasa" next to "Masa" the most expensive restaurant in NY at a hefty seven hundred dollar per person...unfortunately the affordable BarMasa was closed on a day when I was craving for their Kobe beef fried soba...very upset and tired we made our way down the escalotors and then decided that since we made it all this way from the east side, we might as well try one of the other restaurants there...so we headed back to the escalators and made our way up to the restaurants...we decided to checkout "SteakVHouse"...after standing in front of the menu outside the vey intimidating restaurant with fourty dollar steaks...we decided that we would give it a try after some very long considerarion...so we walked in only to be told by the maitre D that it was reservations only espescially on weekends...he gave me a card and told me that we could try around nine o'clock to see if there would be any tables available...we decided that there was no way we were going to wait till nine..so we simply headed to Ollies on 66th...the evening ended with me feeling absolutely wonderful about experiencing the new MoMA and finding a great new restaurant for juicy steaks...it was a day filled with brand new experiences of New York city...but I was confronted by an old memory as Alice asked me if I ever had a cat for a pet...at first I said "no" then something flashed in my mind and I said "yes"...yes I remembered a long time ago before we emigrated, my brother came home after school with a one-eyed cat which he found on the street...we hid it in the bathtub, but mom wouldn't allow us to keep it...and so the cat was gone the next day...and that was that...
When I got home...I pulled out my cell phone only to realize that I had a number of missed calls while I was enjoying my day at the MoMA...it was dad, probably calling to see if I got home safely, I assumed...so I picked up the phone and called Vancouver...naturally a few minutes later dad picked up the phone and excitedly told me to wait a few minutes...then suddenly I could hear an unfamiliar voice coming through the phone...it was the voice of a little girl...speaking in mandarin about what she had done that day and that she was going over to her aunt's...and so on...then as the voice of the little girl subsided...the voice of a young boy came on talking...as the boy was talking I kept on interrupting and screaming "who are they?" or "who is that girl?" or better yet "who are those kids, that I hear over the phone?"...then the tape recorder was stopped and my dad came back on the phone and said "well guess!"...maybe at the back of my mind I knew who they were...but I just couldn't admit it to myself...so I said "I don't know, I really have no idea at all whatsoever"...then mom screamed over the phone joking "it's your step-sister and step-brother"...then I finally had admit it to myself and asked dad "that was me and Daniel?" he said "of course, who else could it be?"...and dad went on to say "you were just sooo adorable when you were a little girl"...
Then I suddenly remembered this summer when I moved to NY and got my very first reading from Richard...he had asked me whether or not I felt a sense of anbandonment in my childhood...I said "no, of course not, my parents were always there for me."...however he insisted that even though it's not a sense of abandonment as I look back, something must have made me feel that way, because it's the only way he could explain my introverted self and my difficulty at opening up to others...
If it weren't for those voices of childhood recorded on tape, I probably would have forgotten that period of time, just after we emigrated...I had almost forgotten that the moment we arrived in Montreal, my brother and I shared a bedroom, in my grandparents apartment in Dorval, and mom left us there for half a year to go back to Taiwain to finalize the immigration papers...perhaps for a 5 year old struggling with French at school and going through chicken pox without her mom by her side, felt somewhat like abandonment...during that time, instead of writing letters to our parents, my brother and I would record our thoughts on a red tape recorder and send them back to our parents, so that they could hear our voices...I think mom always had a habit of recording our voices on this huge greyish vintage tape recorder when we were still in Taiwan...my brother and I carried on this habit and I realized only now how precious those tapes were...it was our childhood voices describing the mundane of our everyday in Canada...my brother telling my parents not to send anymore of those delicious Japanese cookies, he said because I wouldn't eat dinner...
Digging up those lost memories hardly gave me a feeling of abandonment in my childhood, but rather made me realize that we were a close knit family that communicated regularly, even more than those traditional families with everybody living together...
It's rather strange, I didn't know that being in New York would give me plenty of new experiences and also bring back lost memories...perhaps in LA I was just too preoccupied with my bling bling life that it would've been impossible for me to remember those "insignificant" details...
So there we go...a day in New York filled with the old and the new...I must be
getting old...
Once again, it's really good to be in NY...

2004-11-29T21:54:00.000-05:00

the dirty white textured wall...

2004-11-29T21:51:00.000-05:00

waiting in line...

2004-11-29T21:48:00.000-05:00

view of the city from MoMA...

2004-11-29T21:45:00.000-05:00

looking out the courtyard...

2004-11-29T21:42:00.000-05:00

the MoMA atrium...

2004-11-29T21:40:00.000-05:00

at the MoMA before closing time...

The Day After

2004-11-28T20:55:00.001-05:00

Before Thanksgiving dinner, I had already been making plans to go for a walk, as in shop, the next day, by myself of course...knowing that there was going to be a huge sale everywhere...not that I had something in mind that I wanted to buy...but I just wanted to browse...just in case...there was something...yes that something...
Well, who would've known that I wasn't going to be shopping alone...I mean life can be really unpredictable sometimes...
Over Thanksgiving dinner I casually asked Miranda if she was going to "walk round" tomorrow, and much to my surprise she said "well, actually we're planning to go to Barneys, do you want to come?"...naturally I said a big "yes" since I was planning on going to Barneys anyways...
Before we headed for Barneys, I had brunch at The Blue Ribbon Bakery in the west village...I must say it was a difficult place to find...but the food was quite good...sitting there, the only thing that was common in all four of us...was that we are all Canadians...with the exception that they are from HK and I am originally from Taiwan, they all grew up in Toronto and I grew up in Montreal...they have known each other for so long...and I barely knew them...except fot the fact that we go to the same school and chat once in a while...
After Brunch, we made our way through SoHo...then four of us shared a cab heading to Barneys on 62nd and Madison...then later on as the shopping was almost coming to an end, the Taiwanese clan joined us...as we dispersed after shopping I had dinner with my Taiwanese friends back at Ollies on 66th...yes life can be strange sometimes...on a day where I plan to do something alone...doesn't quite turn out the way I had pictured it in my mind as I went to bed on Thanksgiving night...and overall I really enjoyed my day of "walking around" with friends and seeing so many people crowded on the street shopping for Christmas, made me really thankful that I was in NY...
So back to Mr. Fry's question...I was about to leave Barneys with nothing...when I browsed trough the Helmut Lang section and found one sweater jacket that I had been eyeing for a long time...it was the last one on the rack...so I reserved it and asked them to put it away for me, since the private sale was still going on, and all the price tags were still showing the original prices...so on dec 2nd, this piece of clothing will be shipped to me, and I will be getting a hefty 40% off the original price tag...it sounded like a good deal...and suddenly Helmut Lang just became more affordable...
The previous night I had decided to unclutter my Apt... and I started with my closet...at one point I became disgusted at how much stuff I have in my closet and surprised at how much stuff I have managed to accumulate in the short time that I have been living in NY...so I learned to let go...and started throwing out some stuff that are just too old to wear and putting other things away, since I couldn't decide whether I wanted to keep it or not...
The one thing in which I came to realize about myself is me, finally coming to terms with the fact that I'll never be that girl with only one perfect pair of shoes, one perfect bag and one perfect coat, no matter how hard I try, there will always be something that seems even more perfect to me the next season...and I just have to learn to deal with it...no matter how much it agonizes me sometimes...

2004-11-28T20:05:00.000-05:00

looking out of Tower Records...while waiting for a seat at Ollies...

2004-11-28T08:24:00.000-05:00

Outside Saks Fifth Avenue...

First NY Thanksgiving...Taiwanese Style...

2004-11-26T01:20:00.000-05:00

For the past few days I've been tormented by friends asking me "oh, why aren't you going anywhere for Thanksgiving?" of course that's because they are all going somewhere...and I would say " yea I was gonna go to NJ, to my aunt's place but decided not to" then they would as "ooh why not?" then I just give a simple reply "yea I need some time to get my shit together". This, obviously had some effect on my friend John who suddenly said "yea I need to get my shit together too...but I have to go to Greg's parents in Indiana..."and so on...
Yup, so instead of diving into getting my shit together, I slept for most of the day, until I got a phone call form Yichi, to join them for Thanksgining dinner tonight...
On my way to Yichi's, I was thinking maybe the Taiwanese clan would be preparing for Taiwanese hot pot, since they were grocery shopping in Chinatown while I got the call this morning...and of course was also expecting Jason to dress up as a turkey for the event...the subway was awfully quiet as I made my way to 110th and then walked through a desolate amsterdam st...to get to 106th.
As I entered the apartment, everybody was busy in the kitchen cooking and helping out...and much to my surprise, Jason was himself and not dressed as Turkey pie or something...most people contributed to some cooking...and I just came to eat...because I didn't know how to do any traditional cooking...I think Hom made the marinated Kobe beef, Jimmy made fried pork, Miranda made a beautiful potato salad and concocted a special sauce for the Turkey...and Yichi was also busy in the kitchen...and the rest of us just waited outside eating biscuits and chesse...
I must say, the soy sauce turkey that they bought in Chinatown was one huge bird and the gross thing is that it even came with the head...but I think all sixteen of us enjoyed the Turkey...sitting around eating, and chatting...
The evening ended with a Korean war movie, ya I think it was a bit sad to be watching a movie like that on Thanksgiving, I thought maybe I should have brought my new korean horror movie "tell me something" a mystery movie surrounding the case of several dismembered bodies..."I told them if I had known that I couldn't contribute to the cooking I could have contributed to a decent movie about disembodied corpses" and Eric responded with "what, just because you can't contribute to the cooking , you want to bring a movie that will make us puke out everything that we've had for dinner?" and I laughed and said "why not?" At least I thought it was better than watching a war movie...
Yea tomorrow there will be a huge sale going on everywhere so guess what? Barneys Here I Come...so much for "getting my shit together"...

Thanksgiving...avec moi...

2004-11-25T03:43:00.000-05:00

ok don't really know what that picture has anything to do with a thanksgiving besides the fact that it looks interesting...

"The subjective progression from leaving the maternal breast to the first narcissistic gaze, and the later distinction betwwen body and outside world create the basis for our initial sense of self.
When the concept of self is subsumed by community identity there emerges a further persona: the national face of a historical legacy.
In our technologically driven society, speed and communication have become the paradigms underwritting out thoughts, actions and how we perceive ourselves. Consequently, this is creating a new anthropology of the isolated and autonomous idividual."
Hussein Chalayan (garment designer)

This morning I literally had to force myself out of bed, remembering that I promised Just James that I would lend him my windows XP startup software...thinking that I was going to be late, I decided to take a cab...
As I got into the cab, I was surprised to see an old man who didn't look like a typical cab driver, behind the wheels..then taking a closer look at his photo identification ...he looked more like a man who had a different job, but became a cab driver after he retired...well at least that's what I presumed...I could see that he was truely enjoying listening to his radio show...then suddenly he turns off the radio and turns around to ask "So, How are you doing?" I said, "great, fine!"...then he went on to ask the usual question "so going anywhere for thanksgiving?" and I said "nope nowhere, staying here in NY" and then he proceeded to ask "so you don't celebrate thanksgiving?" and then I froze...and replied with a cold "no."...there was a moment of silence...then he went on to say "it's alright, you're entitled not to celebrate thanksgiving if you don't want to." then he said to me "thanksgiving is actually my favorite, but I don't like Christmas, because it has become too commercialized."...I thought true...but to me it doesn't hurt either..I mean it's nice to receive a gift from loved ones once in a while and attach some sentimental value to it...but that's just me I guess...so I asked him "so your family coming to NY to celebrate with you?" and he said "no, actually we will all be going to my son's place in Long Island, he has a big house with a big yard and thanksgiving always works out really well there..." and then I said "oh how nice..."
the conversation ended as we arrived at 116th and Broadway...and I decided to tip him more than the usuall, I figured he was an old man, and it was thanksgiving and we had a nice conversation...so that was that...and as I got off the cab he said a final "happy thanksgiving!"....then I felt bad for never tipping the doorman in my building for running around to hail a cab for me...then again it's their job...but at least I was feeling thankful to the concierge and the doorman on a thanksgiving holiday...how appropriate!

Thanksgiving Gourmet....made in Taiwan

2004-11-25T01:58:00.000-05:00

yum yum yummy!

So after a gruelling day of journeying in the rain with horrible traffic with everyone going away for the holidays...I come home to my laptop and go about my daily "business"...surprisingly after browing through a bunch of spam...I got a forwarded mail from mon ami Sushisushiii or simply Suzy, which had an attached file of images from the Taiwanese night markets...and apparently, it's quite the trend to eat those things these days at the night market...
I mean life is great...on a night before thanksgiving when everyone is dreaming of a big fat turkey...I can dream about a bunch of roasted insect kabobs...yum yum yummy!
By the way, for those who don't know me that well, I don't really enjoy turkeys, because when I see a turkey, I imagine a big fat bird...with very colorful feathers...which freaks me out a great deal...and if they start flapping their wings...it just makes me shudder...yes I have a great fear of birds...and I always get nightmares about being attacked by a flock of pigeons as I make my way through the campus to Avery Hall...sigh...so I leave you all with these pictures of...enjoy!

2004-11-25T00:55:00.000-05:00

oooo la la....

2004-11-25T00:53:00.000-05:00

hmm...maybe not so tasty afterall...

2004-11-25T00:51:00.000-05:00

looks like some good food to from afar...

Tiffany-Like...

2004-11-24T01:50:00.000-05:00

After I saw the above photo of Tiffany that Alice posted on her blog, I had a sudden urge to spray paint my dog, since he has white fur, it's an unexplainable urge, and now I understand how Joyce feels when she draws eyebrows on her dog using yellow highlighters...well as for me I can't really spray paint...because mom will be pissed...so all I can do is spray paint Incredoble-Jo on photoshop...but didn't turn out too well as u can see below...man, just can't mess with nature...

2004-11-24T00:48:00.000-05:00

Tiffany-like...

2004-11-24T00:30:00.000-05:00

ok...I think Alice did a way better job than I did spray painting incredible-jo...so enjoy!

La Vie de Monsieur Incredible-Jo

2004-11-23T16:04:00.000-05:00

mr. incredible-jo himself, sitting impatiently on a chair as he watches mom prepare his gourmet meal...see, his teeth are showing...

2004-11-23T16:01:00.000-05:00

this is the beginning of Incredible-jo's two course meal...when mom is around...

2004-11-23T15:59:00.000-05:00

mom always give him a portion of a boiled egg after a little nice salad...

2004-11-23T15:58:00.000-05:00

this is what happens after incredible-jo finishes the food mom prepares for him...

Thinking about Quill...

2004-11-23T02:07:00.000-05:00

a rare footage of quill's butt...

2004-11-23T01:49:00.000-05:00

cutting through...

2004-11-23T01:45:00.000-05:00

taking a close look...

"A human being is spirit. But what is spirit? Spirit is the self. But what is the self? The self is a relation that relates itself to itself or is the relation's relating itself to itself in the relation; the self is not the relation but is the relation's relating itself to itself. A human being is a synthesis of the infinite and the finite, of the temporal and the eternal, of freedom and neccessity, in short, a synthesis."
"The Sickness Unto Death"
by Soren Kierkegard

2004-11-23T01:00:00.000-05:00

looking for the darkness within....

Diaries from a Japanese Cell-Phone

2004-11-22T01:44:00.000-05:00

my brother, capturing his "decisive moment"...

2004-11-22T01:42:00.000-05:00

I purposefully left this image that my bro took in the subway oriented this way,...or maybe he purposefully left it this way to show me a different perspective and completely aware that he sent me this photograph oriented in the wrong direction...I realized it brings an entirely new perspective on the beauty of the subway...if only we could try to look at things at a different angle once in a while...

2004-11-22T01:39:00.000-05:00

this is a photo that my bro took, during his visit in beijing, showing people stacking food on their plates...

Les Incroyables...

2004-11-22T01:38:00.000-05:00

Around this time of the year, awaiting the arrival of Christmas, it is hard not to think about my own family...and trying deperately to salvage the memories of my past, for fear that it might just slip away all too soon, when I become preoccupied with my responsibilities, with the arrival of another year...
So yesterday morning I woke up at 4:30 am, with a morning call from the concierge announcing that the car will be arriving shortly at 5:00 am, to take my brother to the airport...
Later that evening, my friends and I decided to go watch "The Incredibles"...I was never a big fan of animation movies, but it seems like this one is pretty good... since it was hard to get tickets to the sold out 9:00 show...we waited patiently for the 10:05 show at starbucks over coffee and magazines...
So finally, as the five of us settled down to watch the movie...Alice and I were expecting a typical cliched superman-like plot...but much to my surprise...the movie offered me much more than I expected and reminded me that I haven't seen such an uplifting movie in years...throughout the movie,for the very first time, I could actually hear my own laughter, and that of my friends' because "The Incredibles" was genuinely incredible...
It showed me that even superheros with incredible powers, get married, build up a family and live through the turmoils and problems of a modern day family life...just like everyone else...it just goes to remind us, that even extraordinary people are just human beings too...and in times of extreme danger, where Mr. Incredible risks losing his family and vice versa...the entire family somehow manages to pull their powers together...and defeat the villains...Oh and one more thing all the Incredible's uniforms are designed by a short wacky designer who has no interest in designing for stick models with incredibly thick puckered lips...just goes to show that true fashion should be made for all who deserve it...and not for superficial reasons...it reminds me of Barney's mantra...that if you work hard enough, you deserve to be there to indulge yourself once in a while...
On my way out the theater, I was in my own world again, thinking that if only we look hard enough, we can definitely see the "incredible" in our family members...and so, I tried...
I think my father is incredibly good at keeping secrets, because I know he has many secrets that I will never know...his preventitive health check-up indicates that he has a high level of depression...but nobody knows because he never allows it to show through, because he knows that he is the support that holds the entire family together...although I rarely see him, he never forgets to give me a call, sometimes even up to three calls a day, long distance...I gather, his telephone bill must be incredibly high!...all and all he is an incerdible father to me...
My mom is incredibly nervous and repetitive, very similar to her own father,...and is incredibly soft-hearted...when she is around there is always incredibly good food to fill my incredibly big stomach...when I would devour her dishes, I never forget to mention that she could definitely open a restaurant and sell those incredibly delicious dishes...
My brother is incredibly serious and quiet, and that makes him incredibly itimidating to my friends who have seen him...but I know he is not really like that, it is just a responsibility that he carries with him as the first born in the family...to be incredibly responsible for himself and incredibly independent so that my parents don't need to worry for him...and I can see that he struggles with the upkeep of that image, from time to time without knowing that it is "ok" to let his guard down once in a while...
My sister-in-law is incredibly patient and thoughtful...the memories I have of her are from LA, when she was still living there...when mom was away and I busily struggling with my finals...she would drive a long way to bring me dinner and other goodies to eat...but she rarely came came up to my apartment, she would always leave it with the security guard with a little note in chinese...with all the chinese characters equally spaced not too big and not too small but just right...my parents always praised her for her incredible penmanship...and of course she is incredibly thoughtful because she remembers everyone's birthday...on my birthdays..she always indulges me with nice presents...and a birthday card with a thoughtful little note...
As for me...well...lets see...I am incredibly messy and as mom calls it incredibly "unthinkable"...yes unlike my brother, I don't have to carry the responsibilities that comes with the first born...I can let all my guard down, to the point where my parents feel like they still can't trust me...yup mom still can't trust my driving...when James came over to borrow my kitchen, he opened my fridge to see if there was anything to eat, only to find an empty plate with a plastic wrapper stitting in the fridge...I remember him looking at me in dismay...it's just like how mom wonders how I still manage to put empty juicy cartons back into the fridge...without realizing that I should just throw it in the trash...yes that's me incredibly "unthinkable"...

I think, recently my family has constantly been own my mind, because I despereately want to remember the safety that my family brings to me...with mom and dad always trying so hard to make sure I am safe and preventing any obstacles that might come my way...I think I am almost at the crossroads where I would have to make decisions about what I want to do with my life, which, right or wrong will have its consequences,...if only I can foresee...I can feel that I will slowly be drifting out of the safty net provided by my sheltered life as I venture out on my own, with inevitable hardships that might come my way...I am incredibly worried...although I know its hard to get anywhere without hardships...knowing that...makes me incredibly scared...
And YoYo is incredibly good at remembering all his names, and now he is "incredible-jo"...

Yes, so everybody is an Incredible in their own unique way...

Suki Kim:'Facing Poverty With a Rich Girl's Habits'

2004-11-22T01:21:00.000-05:00

I was browsing through Mr. Fry's blog and came across an excerpt of an interesting article written by Suki Kim for the NY Times...so I signed up, as Mr. Fry suggested to read the entire article...about the authors memories on immigration, being "the other", childhood, struggling with english and unexpected turn of events such as poverty...so here is the entire article for those who are interested...

'Facing Poverty With a Rich Girl's Habits'
By SUKI KIM

QUEENS in the early 80's struck me as the Wild West. Our first home there was the upstairs of a two-family brownstone in Woodside. It was a crammed, ugly place, I thought, because in South Korea I had been raised in a hilltop mansion with an orchard and a pond and peacocks until I entered the seventh grade, when my millionaire father lost everything overnight. Gone in an instant was my small world, made possible by my father's shipping company, mining business and hotels. Because bankruptcy was punishable by a jail term, we fled, penniless, to America.
The ugly house was owned by a Korean family that ran a dry cleaner in Harlem. Their sons, Andy and Billy, became my first playmates in America, though playmate was a loose term, largely because they spoke English and I didn't. The first English word I learned at the junior high near Queens Boulevard was F.O.B., short for "fresh off the boat." It was a mystery why some kids called me that when I'd actually flown Korean Air to Kennedy Airport.
At 13, I took public transportation to school for the first time instead of being driven by a chauffeur. I had never done homework without a governess helping me. I also noticed that things became seriously messy if no maids were around. Each week, I found it humiliating to wheel our dirty clothes to a bleak place called Laundromat.
One new fact that took more time to absorb was that I was now Asian, a term that I had heard mentioned only in a social studies class. In Korea, yellow was the color of the forsythia that bloomed every spring along the fence that separated our estate from the houses down the hill. I certainly never thought of my skin as being the same shade.
Unlike students in Korean schools, who were taught to bow to teachers at every turn, no one batted an eye when a teacher entered a classroom. Once I saw a teacher struggle to pronounce foreign-sounding names from the attendance list while a boy in the front row French-kissed a girl wearing skintight turquoise Jordache jeans. In Korea, we wore slippers to keep the school floor clean, but here the walls were covered with graffiti, and some mornings, policemen guarded the gate and checked bags.
My consolation was the English as a Second Language class where I could speak Korean with others like me. Yet it did not take me long to realize that the other students and I had little in common. The wealthier Korean immigrants had settled in Westchester or Manhattan, where their children attended private schools. In Queens, most of my E.S.L. classmates came from poor families who had escaped Korea's rigid class hierarchy, one dictated by education level, family background and financial status.
Immigration is meant to be the great equalizer, yet it is not easy to eradicate the class divisions of the old country. What I recall, at 13, is an acute awareness of the distance between me and my fellow F.O.B.'s, and another, more palpable one between those of us in E.S.L. and the occasional English-speaking Korean-American kids, who avoided us as though we brought them certain undefined shame. It was not until years later that I learned that we were, in fact, separated from them by generations.
We who sat huddled in that E.S.L. class grew up to represent the so-called 1.5 generation. Many of us came to America in our teens, already rooted in Korean ways and language. We often clashed with the first generation, whose minimal command of English traps them in a time-warped immigrant ghetto, but we identified even less with the second generation, who, with their Asian-American angst and anchorman English, struck us as even more foreign than the rest of America.
Even today, we, the 1.5 generation, can just about maneuver our anchor. We hip-hop to Usher with as much enthusiasm as we have for belting out Korean pop songs at a karaoke. We celebrate the lunar Korean thanksgiving as well as the American one, although our choice of food would most likely be the moon-shaped rice cake instead of turkey. We appreciate eggs Benedict for brunch, but on hung-over mornings, we cannot do without a bowl of thick ox-bone soup and a plate of fresh kimchi. We are 100 percent American on paper but not quite in our soul.
In Queens of the early 80's, I did not yet understand the layers of division that existed within an immigrant group. I preferred my Hello Kitty backpack to the ones with pictures of the Menudo boys, and I cried for weeks because my parents would not let me get my ears pierced. I watched reruns of "Three's Company" in an attempt to learn English, thinking the whole time that John Ritter was running a firm called Three's. I stayed up until dawn to make sense of "Great Expectations," flipping through the dictionary for the definition of words like "Pip."
More brutal than learning English was facing poverty with a rich girl's habits and memory. In my neighborhood, a girl who grew up with a governess and a chauffeur belonged to a fairy tale. This was no Paris Hilton's "Simple Life," but the beginning of my sobering, often-terrifying, never simple American journey. I soon discovered that I had no choice but to adjust. I had watched my glamorous mother, not long ago a society lady who lunched, taking on a job as a fish filleter at a market.
Before the year was over, my parents moved us out of the neighborhood in search of better jobs, housing and education. As for the family who owned the house in Woodside, I did not see any of them again until the fall of 2001, when Billy walked into the Family Assistance Center at Pier 94, where I was volunteering as an interpreter. He was looking for his brother, Andy, who had been working on the 93rd floor when the first plane crashed into the north tower.

Suki Kim is the author of "The Interpreter," a novel.

Looking Back: Friday Evening

2004-11-21T19:33:00.000-05:00

that's me with a black plastic bag and my grande mocha...

2004-11-21T19:31:00.000-05:00

my bro, on the left,...reading the chinese newspaper at starbucks...

2004-11-21T19:28:00.000-05:00

the evening ends @starbuks

2004-11-21T19:26:00.000-05:00

finally @ ToMo...

2004-11-21T19:22:00.000-05:00

103rd...we get off at the next stop...

2004-11-21T17:43:00.000-05:00

still on our way to 110th...

2004-11-21T17:39:00.000-05:00

the subway was packed on a Friday evening...

2004-11-21T03:41:00.000-05:00

me getting obsessed at taking pictures...

2004-11-21T03:39:00.000-05:00

me, taking pictures, and my bro standing behing me...on our way to dinner at ToMo...

2004-11-21T03:37:00.000-05:00

heading to 110th st...

2004-11-21T03:36:00.000-05:00

engine number 9 finally comes...

2004-11-21T03:34:00.000-05:00

still waiting...

2004-11-21T03:32:00.000-05:00

my bro and I waiting for the subway on 72nd...

Lilly Dee Reporting Live From...

2004-11-20T23:59:00.000-05:00

MoMa Grand Opening....

This is Lilly Dee reporting live on a saturday rainy afternoon standing outside the MoMa observing the Grand opening of the newly built museum...onlooker, Jimmy Lee, witnessed lines of people stretching a few blocks long, just to get admission into the much talked about museum...blah blah blah...

Haha I guess I can never be a good reporter..but thank heavens I didn't go to the MoMa opening today, because I heard the line was really long, but my friend managed to get some picture from the outside...depicting the grand opening day with his digital SLR...
hmm..James has a blind date at the MoMa tomorrow, maybe I should go sneak around...
images, courtesy of Jimmy Lee

Contemplations on the Subways of NY...

2004-11-19T19:13:00.000-05:00

looking out the subway...only to see one's own reflection...

2004-11-19T19:11:00.000-05:00

blurring the boundaries...

Sleeping the time Away

2004-11-19T19:04:00.000-05:00

one odd ball taking a snapshot of the other odd ball sleeping...

Different Sameness: Two Odd-balls from the same source

2004-11-19T14:09:00.000-05:00

I always think sometimes how it's strange, in this day and age of disfunctional families, that often makes one feel so close and yet so distant from one's own family. Our family is disfunctional in the sense that we haven't truely lived as a family together ever since I was five, and even then I rarely saw my father, because he was a workhaholic who didn't come home till midnight...and when my mom, my brother and I emigrated to Montreal, it solidified the fate, that we would never be able to live together again...and we never did...our family just became more and more dispersed...and it would be such rare oppurnity for the entire family to be in one place at the same time...it will always be a combination, where one person or two is missing...
So this time around everyone will be in Vancouver and I will be the missing one...
So for those who do not know me well, will think that I am an only child if you have never heard my mention of a brother who is seven years older...and I don't mention him that much because we don't really talk...not in the sense that we hate each other...its just that we just don't have much to say. He is quiet and well I am quiet...and that doesn't add up to much of a conversation...but one thing for sure we are very similar and yet opposites of one another too...I guess that's what makes us siblings...people say that when they see us together they can see some hints of likeness in our facial features...although I don't think we look alike at all...except that we both look like dad...
So out of nowhere in the last few days I received news that my bro will be visiting me in NY from Tokyo, before he heads on to Vancouver...
He arrived in NY yesterday morning, and by the time he got to Trump Place, I was still asleep...and my apartment was in semi-mess. When it came time to eat, he specified for Ollies on 116th across columbia university, because he was nostalgic for that particular Ollies and not the one on 66th st. Did I mention that he also went to Columbia for his MsAAD and also went to USC for his B.Arch, with the exception that he moved on to Harvard GSD after Columbia...dad offered me the same option...but I won't opt for it...So I guess we both like Ollies, but he prefers the one on 116th and I, the one on 66th...then that same day for dinner, we ordered delivery from Ollies on 66th...In between Ollies and Ollies, I took him to studio after lucnch, I could see his nostalgia for Columbia, so eager to see what has changed and what has not...then we headed on to columbus circle because he wanted to see the newly built Time Warner center...he took pictures of the architecture and I took pictures of the city looking out of the glass windows from Time Warner center...while he was shopping at A|X, I was busy taking pictures of the city through A|X...my brother claims that Japan has GA, EA but no AX...
Generally we both like to shop, he likes to shop the sale sections or go to factory outlets, and I like shopping at department stores and flagship stores, and never really care about sales...so I guess he is much more careful with money than me...he buys expensive brands but manage to get it at discount prices while I just end up spending a great deal...but you never know, because once in a while he will splurge too...
In terms of his style...I must say he is a pretty good dresser...clean and sleek...with black as the main palette...the day he arrived he was wearing a burberry black and grey novacheck print shirt, with black trousers, and a black belted coat...with a dark chocolate brown textured leather Louis Vuitton messenger bag containing his mini sony VAIO laptop and sony MD players with two mini speakers...as for my style...it's just harder to appreciate...because it's just plain weird...
We both have an affinity for intricate mechanical timepieces...he has a cartier roadster that he bought for himself(poor daniel)and I have a catier pasha "C" which dad bought me (haha)...he has a fake Luminor Panerai from china, and I have a real Panerai, which I bought myself after graduation...when I casually asked him what happened to his beautiful titanium IWC, he said he had to sell it because he got annoyed at someone at his office wearing the exact same watch...I guess I am like that too...that's why when it comes to watches I prefer lesser known brands...and I don't really wear my cartier anymore, but I keep it for its sentimental value...
We both have an affinity fo electronics...he is obsessed with japanese brands and I am obsessed with european electronics...but we both have a leica...he has the point and shoot automatic Leica and I have a traditional manual Leica...
After I started collecting Swarovski limited edition pieces, he started too...but I stopped...and I think he still collects...so we have two of the same piece if we brought the collection together...
We both like fine writing tools,namely roatring and Mont Blanc...but now I just use Bic Pens and he uses a Mont Blanc SkyWalker...that pen was on my list of must-haves too...but then I thought I am no longer at USC...so a Bic pen will do...
He is very "put-together" and I am, well, just all-over the place...
He calls my dog loren-jo, which annoys me...I still prefer rolling-jo...
Afer I got my corbusier chaise-lounge for my LA apartment he got one too for his Tokyo apartment...
He prefers the prestigious look of an old mercedes and I prefer the sporty headlights design of the porsche...
He makes his airplane ticket reservations and conducts his daily "business" on his persoanlized note pad with his initials printed at the top right hand corner and an image of his hand sketch at the bottom...he even had these note pads printed in different sizes, whereas I just scribble my confirmation infos on any piece of paper I can find..like an old receipt from Starbucks or something...
He has accumulated a lot of air miles over the years and even managed to exchange it for a concord ticket from NY to Paris for dad, when the concord was still in operation...and I am shocked that he still has enough air miles to spare when he travels, which always gets him a free upgrade to business class and access to the VIP lounge...meanwhile I travel extensively too...but just no air-miles at my disposal...sigh...well I am gonna start, from now on...

So pardon me, dear readers if my analysis of my brother and I was very surface-like or superficial...it is just that I live in a world of visual observations...but its mostly because we rarely see each other...even when we were both living in LA at the same time...we were living seperately...he had his house and I had my apt...I would drive to his place occasionally for dinner...but then that was that...so I guess our relationship is neither here nor there, but just "is", as in he "is" my brother and I am happy to see him in NY...I mean after all we are siblings...only problem is he sleeps a lot...well me too...so I guess were the same in different ways... I mean duh!...we come from the same parents!...geez...

The A|X Files

2004-11-18T18:51:00.000-05:00

caught "in" between...

2004-11-18T18:47:00.000-05:00

strangers in the city...

2004-11-18T18:45:00.000-05:00

the end of the beginning...

2004-11-18T18:43:00.000-05:00

the beginning of the end...

2004-11-18T18:41:00.000-05:00

city in layers...

2004-11-18T18:39:00.000-05:00

what is the virtual...and what is the real...

2004-11-18T18:36:00.000-05:00

reflections of the day...

Ode to Monsieur Henri Cartier-Bresson

2004-11-16T08:32:00.000-05:00

me, capturing the "decisive moment"...

So I guess this is my second all-nighter, when I thought my insomnia problem had been fixed...but I guess not, but all the better, because I needed the time to think about my dystopia project, the night has not been as productive as I expected, but nevertheless I found some direction amidst all the brain-storming.
So I decided to take a coffee break, and came across an article in Wallpaper magazine recommending its readers to check out famous french photographer Henri Cartier-Bresson's photobook. This article reminded me that I have two of his books sitting on my bookshelf in LA, gathering dust...and also reminded me why I got my Leica M6 after high-school.
This article made me nostalgic of my high school days when I discovered my passion for photography, and eventually started the photography club at Sacred Heart. I took pictures of everything...then I discovered the works of Monsieur Henri Cartier Bresson, and of course was inspired by his beautiful photography, but could never grasp his concept about capturing "the Decisive Moment", "the moment" when everything comes together to form the perfect composition. I understood the part about things coming together to form the "perfect compostion" but I never quite knew what he meant by "the moment...." Despite all this I was very much inspired by his work, and started doing black and white photography, and obsessively worked on my composition and framing skills...I remember how I would get excited when I capture something really beautifully composed...But it is not till this morning as I was reading about his work that I came to understand what is meant by "the decisive moment", through Wallpaper. Looking at one of his famous photo of a man leaping over a puddle behind the Gare st. Lazare. This moment of the puddle leap was the perfect example because that instance that everything came together was not the "peak of action necessarily, but the formal peak" as described in the article. I think that that Monsiuer Cartier Bresson's work was relevant to his time, but his "decisive moment" certainly trascends time...
I think this "decisive moment" is relevant to life...however, I think each one of us only gets that one moment, unlike photography, where we are able to find our true place in our existence...and at that moment everything fits together...

2004-11-16T08:29:00.000-05:00

my rothko-like photography

Update on "The E-Mail From the Mad Old Woman"

2004-11-16T04:23:00.000-05:00

So I guess after I blogged, both my parents called me individually, and we communicated and turns out that it was all a big misunderstanding...apparently they were wondering how come I have been paying my bills late, and letting the credit card company charge interest or delay fee, and it turns out that my mail always get transfered from LA to NY really late...so I figured I'll have to keep track of the bills without the statements, but to make an early payment instead...I guess they were more upset about the interest that the credit card company charges...but it's all cleared up...and everybody is ok!...
Later mom went online and checked my blog and e-mailed me with this reply:

damned dee(chinese piggy):

what is ur sense of a screaming mom, for me it sound like uncommunicable being. please correct the description about me on ur blog which is viewed by so many. u must respect me a bit for how these viewers would look at me, don't put too much black color on me OK!

a never screaming lady

So yes, just to clarify, that I have always been joking when I said "screaming" which to me means scolding...but I like to use the word screaming just for dramatic effect and not out of disrespect for mom. For those who know, mom and I are actually very close and I always tell her everything on my mind, sometimes when she visits me in NY, we can spend the entire night talking and not sleeping...and she understands me best as to why I am the way I am...and why it's hard for me to change...and she knows that I understand her best as well, sometimes we both feel like misunderstood souls in this world...nevertheless I still have to watch my expenses...afterall, NY cost of living is definitely higher! and I always forget that I am also simultaneouly paying for my bills in LA, like condo fee and car insurance...it's good to clear things up!...and mom is not upset anymore addressing herself as "a never screaming lady"...haha

The E-Mail From "Mad Old Woman"

2004-11-16T01:09:00.000-05:00

that's suppose to be me, holding my Y-3 football, after reading mom's e-mail.

Today was a rather strange day, I woke up really depressed after an all-nighter of thinking about design and not going anywhere with my design work. But surprisingly, the rest of the day went pretty well, I had a reassuring crit from my professor, attended the Archigram lecture, had dinner with Just James and Sandy and the evening ended with a cup of grande mocha...I can just imagine mom sreaming at me for buying a 4 dollar mocha!...And I was right!
When I got home I proceeded to call mom, who is now in LA, to tell her that I got home safely from school and didn't get run over by some random car on the streets of NY. But much to my surprise, mom didn't want to talk to me today, all she said was "I am so mad, go read your mail", then she hung up before I could say anything.
This was how mom's e-mail went:

Damned LillyDee

lalala, blah,blah,blah, damned you, ^%$@@#*&%^$#:"::()&%#$^***(@#%&****)((?>:<))***&^^^****##@!)******^$$%^&*()%&&$$$$$$$$$$**())P)$$#@#**())_++))$$#@@!&**())(*&^%$$######$%^***(()))__^^%$$##**())___++&%$ like old cow, &^^%$$%^&**(()))^%##%%^%&&^^^%%$$%^^^^&&*(($$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&&^^**()___#@@**)____+&^^%$$#&*(( I'LL KILL YOU!

MAD OLD WOMAN

I guess being a parent is rather difficult sometimes, espescially a parent who has a predisposed tendency to panic a great deal. And by that I mean mom. I do feel sorry for her sometimes, when she just doesn't know how to deal with me and what to do with my extravagant spending habits. She is always in conflict with herself when it comes to my upbringing...part of her just want to spoil me rotten, when she would spend less so I could spend a little more...and part of her just goes crazy and wants to kill me when she "accidentally" opens my credit card statements. Deep down I understand perfectly why mom would feel like she wants to kill me sometimes...it's not because of the money, but because she worries that I will not be able handle myself in the "real world" when I start a working life and that I will likely go bankrupt not being able to pay for my bills. Yes, that's mom, always thinking about the worst case scenario, I could just imagine mom jumping through the ceiling as she browsed through my credit card statement, this morning. That's why I say being a parent is difficult and when you are the parent of LillyDee it's even worse. She wants to indulge me and yet she worries that I won't be able to survive on my own...Well I have my own worst case scenario too, which is ending up a homless on the streets of LA near Little Tokyo...this is a recurring nightmare for me...I guess what annoys mom, is that even though I know it's wrong, I still make the same mistakes over and over again...and I don't know why I do that either, although I have grown a conscience over the years...well I am well aware that each person has to pay for the consequences of one's own decisions, it is just a matter of being brave enough to face up to it, I guess.
Anyways, most of the time when these kinds of things happen, mom doesn't even bother writing an e-mail to scold me, she just picks up the phone and starts screaming at me. Yes, my upbringing was also filled with memories of mom screaming at me, and grabbing a hanger to hit me, but she doesn't really hit me, instead she hits the door to my bedroom. I would say that it was pretty effective, afterall I didn't turn out so bad, now being a grad student at Columbia University. I don't think I would be where I am today, without the screaming. I mean YoYo wouldn't be so well trained in taking his poop, if it weren't for mom screaming at him everytime he pooped in the wrong place, when he was still a little puppy.
This time around, she actually took the time to write me a long e-mail to scold me with her unique "style of english writing". I remembered when she e-mailed to scold me out my choice of expensive cell phones, I didn't know how to reply, so I just wrote that her english is getiing worse and worse...and she replies with an e-mail saying the chinese word "fan-piiiiiiii!".
So it was the same feeling today as I was reading her mail, I didn't know whether I should cry or laugh...addressing me as "damned LillyDee" my blog name, and addressing herself as "mad old woman", I guess she must be upset if she is not addressing herself in her usual name "Rolling-Mom". From the bits an pieces of her letter, I could tell that she not only reads my blog, but also remember many detailed things from my articles, because her letter is filled with references from my blog, like stop buying "unwearable fashion"...hintting at my obssesion with Comme Des Garcon...I guess it must really trouble her, that not only do I spend, but I spend it on unwearable fashions, that borders between beautiful and ugliness, and that most non-fashion insiders would consider plain "ugly". Nevertheless I am really touched that mom remembers the details of my blog entries even though she is forgetfull. So this e-mail from the "old mad woman" has proved that she is finally treating me like an adult.
By the Way if I don't sound guilty as I am writing this blog it's because I have an important midterm presentation coming up with some of the most influential people in architecture as guest critiques, including our dean, so I cannot afford to be distracted by guilt and self-hatred from my design work!

Moi...Muse to Mr. Fry

2004-11-15T04:41:00.000-05:00

YoYo and I are so glad to have become Mr. Fry's Muse, after I checked out his website with the following artworks he made inspired by moi! Mr. Fry is definitely the next Picasso in town! the toast of LA art scene!...check out http://www.xanga.com/philicusfry for his complete collection of artworks...

Mr. Fry's Commentary: Lilly Dee actually sleeping at 3:30 am.

Mr. Fry's Commentary: Yoyo, the Maltese, has been Fry-ed. I always remember him barking at me so that's what I try and show here.

Mr. Fry's Commentary:This piece was inspired by Lilly Dee's fervent desire for a birkin bag. Note the presence of the Comme des Garçon skirt juxtaposed with the birkin bag. The artist has captured part of the essence that makes up Lilly Dee. Picasso's Joie de Vivre piece had a slight influence on this piece, with the simple yet playful lines.

My Own Little "Quill"

2004-11-14T22:35:00.000-05:00

this new born "snobby" looking labrador retriever will be joining our family this Christmas...can't wait to go pick him up!

2004-11-14T22:31:00.000-05:00

ahhh...look at those chubby paws

2004-11-14T22:30:00.000-05:00

look at those chubby legs!

2004-11-14T22:28:00.000-05:00

ahhh...he looks sleepy

2004-11-14T22:25:00.000-05:00

ahhh...so cute

2004-11-14T22:20:00.000-05:00

mr. sleepy

Sleepless in New York...

2004-11-14T06:15:00.000-05:00

insomnia@315

2004-11-14T05:12:00.000-05:00

oh...go to bed...stop starring and taking pictures of me!

Thinking about Re-thinking...

2004-11-14T00:50:00.000-05:00

a must-see at Barneys on Madison

2004-11-13T22:57:00.000-05:00

the new installation at Barneys...

Tonight nothing seems to be going well, so much has happened and I don't know what to feel. My pirated Maya software isn't working and I have reached a block in the design of my dystopia project "Drive-thru City"...and after a long conversation with my parents, my heart just sank...no don't ask me why...because I won't reveal anything...there are times when I just have to lock everything in my heart...and this is one of those nights...I guess mom was right when she called me earlier this morning after she consulted the chinese calender and warned me that today was going to be a very bad day and told me that I'd better stay home...of course I thought that was just mom being paranoid about my safety.
So since I've had such a bad day, I have a feeling that this will be a rather superficial blog...my personal escapist blog...
After a light breakfast that consisted of water, vitamins, a bowl of miso soup and a large cup of coffee, I decided to take a walk in the city...by the way, when I say walking, it usually means shopping.
So I put on my burgandy burberry jacket and the brand new socks that mom had gotten for me, along with the Chanel bag that my parents bought me in Paris, and headed out the door giving yoyo a goodbye kiss. The moment I stepped out of Trump Place, I knew it was going to be a great day...the weather was nice and not too cold...and the bus was already parked at Freedom Pl. waiting for passengers...
Yes, so today I was heading crosstown to Madison and 5th Ave. for a day of "walking"...as I have come to the realiztion that I am in dire need of physical exercise...so I thought instead of spending time on the treadmill at the fitness center...why not take a walk?
So as I got off the bus on 62th betweem Madison and 5th Ave. near the Paskistan consulate, I decided I would head to Barneys New York from Madison instead of 5th ave, that is usually crowded with tourists on a saturday afternoon.
As I wandered through Madison Ave. I passed by a series of flagship stores, but the only ones that leave an impression are Etro, Shanghai Tang, and Hermes...I don't know why...but they just leave an impression even though I have never stepped into the store, well except for Hermes once, with Just James, for his "Beige" research. I love walking on Madison because I enjoy watching sophisticated and stylish New Yorkers doning the latest fashions fresh off the runway...
Arriving at Barneys, I felt a rush of excitement when I saw the crowds of people shopping there, so it would be less intimidating to walk around without being noticed...and so that I could take all the time I want, to browse through the designs.
When I walk into Barneys, I always start browsing througn the Balenciaga handbag section and make my way up to the 2nd floor to browse through the Japanese Avant-Garde designer pieces which include Comme des Garcon, Iseey Myake and of course Yohji Yamamoto...and I would also proceed to Helmut Lang...For some odd reason I always skip Jil Sander and Armani...then when I headed to the third floor which includes some of my favorite designers, I was surprised by an enormous installation in the center of the showroom made up of a datum of fashion photographs hagging from the ceiling, with a long strip of black Richard Serra-esque sculpture, below, used to display Fashion photography books. I must say I was quite impressed by it and of course just had to capture the scene with my Nokia...then I went about other favorite collections including Victor and Rolf, Hussein Chalayan, Rick Owens, Proenza Schouler and Costume National, telling myself that I would invest in a Costume National suit for my first job interview, ...afterall first impressions are important.
I enjoy shopping at Barneys because the designs they bring in are always pushing the envelope and rethinking the idea of clothing design. Conceptually, this is very important, even more so than good aesthetics in the appearance of the garment. Many designers can whip up designs that are nicely cut, or give the appearance that it is...but few can truely make the cut so that it actually fits nicely on the body. To me concept and cut will always remain important when I am shopping for clothes...in fact I think perfectly beautiful clothing don't really appeal to me...I mean they use to but not anymore. Sometimes, I stay at Barneys for hours exploring every detail of different designer garments. To me they are not just clothing but art works in their own right. When I finally satisfied my eye...I headed back down to the first floor to browse the jewelry collection. Even their jewelry collection are not pretentious, and there is no "omg I am so rich" undetone attached to the jewelries on display. Their jewelry design focuses more on re-thinking the idea on "how" to make jewelry and rethinking the manipulation of raw materials used in these accesories... so nothing that one sees at Barneys is conventional...that's why I enjoy taking a walk at Barneys, it always stimulates my eye and my mind...After all architectectural design is not so different either, it's all about re-thinking the way human beings live and experience their environments.
I finally left Barneys and decided to walk to the Columbus Circle station to take the subway home.
Old habits die hard, and predictably, after I got of the subway on 66th, I just had to get my daily Grande Mocha...the server was rude...and the line of people getting coffee was long. It really got me thinking about the strange and ironic institution of the Starbucks culture; I mean this guy came up with this sick idea to sell drinks where everybody has to stand in line to make an order for a very expensive cup of coffee, and pay for one's order facing a rude cashier over the counter...and despite all this...people still go to starbucks and go through this absurd experience all over again!...just amazing...the guy who invented the concept of starbucks must be one big genious!...I mean this guy is making tons of money by treating his customers like "sh*t"...ok maybe I am just overreacting...a little bit.
As I was heading out I watched a couple smooching each other while I was smooching my 4 dollar grande mocha...I think I got the better end of the deal...afterall coffee tastes better than someone else's saliva...
When I got home, my eyes were hurting from the overdose of visual stimulation I got at Barneys today...and the rest of the day...well...disaster...if only I can foresee disasters before they actually hit me!

Blog Updates

2004-11-13T05:49:00.000-05:00

blog, blog, blog, blah, blah, blah

So I decided to do this blog update when Alice told me that she had posted her first blog...I was happy to hear that because she originally signed up to Blogger so that she could post comments on my blog...but now that she has started blogging, all the better...so check out her first blog titled "Dog Poop" at http://alicelin.blogspot.com.
Oh and have I mentioned that my firiend Philip also has his own blog...actually he has been blogging for a long time and I only found out about it recently...sorry Mr. Fry! Check out his Blog at philicusfry's xanga site...just click on Mr. Fry, on the comments in my blog...and thank you Mr. Fry for posting the comments...bdw, if I don't post any comments on yours, doesn't mean I am not reading it...I read it religiously everyday!
I also learned that Jessica has her own blog too, but she doesn't update everyday...and I sorta forgot the web address for hers...sorry Jessi! But hope you find the perfect life when you move back to Hong-Kong!
And of course Just James and Life Inc is a huge success with more and more readers, me amongst one of them, who actually checks out his site like four times a day...hehe...
And as for my blog, thanx for all the support from everybody, and I just found out today that my bro actually reads my blog frequently...quite shocking news that he would actually want to read my blog..but very happy to hear that nevertheless!...yes he will be visiting me in NY on Nov. 18th...
So anyways that was my brief blog update!

Friday Night Live...

2004-11-13T04:15:00.000-05:00

Just James in an failed attempt to avoid my camera...poor James

So after I got off the subway on 66th str. I headed to the Loews Cineplex Lincoln Square to get my ticket for the 10:00 Bridget Jones Diaries ...then proceeded to Barnes and Noble to get a Grande Mocha and a copy of Meave Brennan's biography...there was only one copy on the shelf...strange...then I headed home and realized that the two unknown e-mails that I had deleted without reading were from dad's friend...and the e-mails contained photos of all the new born Labrador Retrievers for me to pick...so I called my dad in a panick and told him to please send the pictures again...gosh, I was such an idiot, I mean I have been anticipitaing that mail...and when I actually get it, I delete the entire thing!
After all that craziness I head out to meet James for the movie...as I waited for Just James, I got bored and took out my camera to take more pictures...and guess what? Just James comes flying in through the revolving doors with a Grande whatever trying to avoid my camera...but he failed. Just James mentioned that he really needed the coffee after four beers from 6 on 6 to wake him up...
I told Just James that I won't be blogging about the movie..which I won't except to say that it was really good and we both got a really good laugh out of it!...and so Friday night finally ended...