Tuesday, December 14, 2004

100% Feeling ill....

my interactive applications assignment for actionscript Flash MX 2004 class...I decided to go for something non-architecture related.. Posted by Hello


Things haven't been going so well...I have been going through a lot of self-doubt lately...sometimes I doubt whether I have the abilities that would take me where I want to go...because it's a competitive world and sometimes I just don't see myself at the top of that world...and at 24, there are still a lot of bad habits that I haven't had the conviction to change, like putting 100% of devotion in everything I do...and somehow I have been lacking that passion for architecture which I had lost long ago...being in grad school just made me feel the world is so big, and there will always be those who are better and worse than you...a world where there is a multitude of ingenious ideas...a multitude of styles...and a multitude of people devoting there 100% for arhitecture...a multitude of people from different backgrounds and experiences...and when I see that multiplicity, I wish I could do it all...I know, that each person can only do so much, and one can only empcompass one's style...and one can only find one's own singular vision in design and not emcompass all visions out there...but still...it pains me to think about that...
And at 24, I wonder whether this is the prime time to "have a life" and enjoy life or is it time to seriously contemplate the next step and to begin that 100% devotion in one's work before it's too late...is it about time to be more critical of oneself, I wonder...and knowing what my expectations in life but not quite seeing clearly the road that would lead me there,and it makes me feel ill at times...So I doubt myself, I doubt my future, I regret my past...and all those thoughts makes me feel teribbly ill...maybe anxiety is kicking in again...I don't know and I can't see the path ahead of me and it terrifies me...because I am running out of time...at 24...

2 Comments:

Blogger bliss_dv8 said...

I am sure you have heard this before... it's a phase. It is good that you have all these thoughts. That is progression in itself. I wrote a post kind of like yours just yesterday. I feel like I am running out of time too... thing is what are we running towards? What's our deadline? Who's going to hold us accountable? Only you can answer that. Hang in there Lilly. :)

5:13 PM  
Blogger Lilly Dee said...

many thanx miss "bliss dv8" for the encourangement...and how interesting to know that similar thoughts were going through your mind, yesterday...it was great knowing that someone out there can relate to my blog...:)

3:50 AM  

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